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Ending Separation: I Want You to Know

I want you to understand a few things, I want to put your mind at ease. I know you have been confused, anxious, angry and sad. I want you to know that I never wanted that for you. I just assumed you didn’t care and preferred it this way. I want you to know that detaching from you hasn’t been easy for me. I now understand what hopelessness feels like. It is the light at the end of the tunnel being snuffed out. Left alone in the darkness and the unknown.

I know now that this was the only way you would understand. I always assumed you just knew as I did. I can see now how hard I was on you, for this I apologize. It’s ironic to me, you were always the more “spiritual” and intuitive one.  I suppose we both have our roles and burdens to bare.

I want you know how proud I am of you. How much I admire your strength and soverighnty. I want you to know that through your soverighnty I have realized my own. I can now see the imporatance of our free-will. Our choices have consequences and this is where our power lies. We are not subservient to our destinies but the creators of them. I was arrogant in assuming that union was predestined, this assumption made me reckless and inconsiderate. For this too, I apologize.

I want you to be calm my Love. Put your logical mind at ease and trust. I am not running from you, I am facing myself. There are things about me that require all my energy and attention.  I want you to know that regardless of all that has happened and all that was said, I still choose you. I sovereignly and freely choose you. That is what separates me from all others, I love you unconditionally. For me, you are the One.

I want you to understand that you have never been alone on this journey. I want you to know that our paths have been entangled from day one. I want you to remember that I meant it when I told you that there is nothing you could do or have done that I would not learn to accept. If I judged you harshly, know it was my pain and insecurity talking, not my heart.

I want you know, I can not end separation without you. I can not create Union without you. I suspect you are learning as I did, our decisions have consequences for both parties. This is the nature of oneness that we are so resistant to accept. We are not simply responsible for ourselves as individuals but that responsibility extends to others. I want you to know that what I do for myself, I do for you, for us. I want you to know that, whatever you decide to do from this moment forward, you are loved and accepted.

One final thing I want you to know, I would love nothing more than to look into your eyes and tell you these things in person. To hold you as I wept, to allow my eyes to convince you of this truth. Know that I am just not ready to face you again, not yet. However, I have no doubt that these words will find you when you need them most.

 

 

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Why We Judge: No Better or Worse

Judgement is the enemy of empathy. Empathy is the ability to objectively put oneself in the shoes of another, without bias or pretense. It is the obtainment of a clear perspective, sharing the intimacy of another’s hardship. If empathy were easy, there would naturally be less judgement.

So what exactly is Judgment? Judgment is projecting a qualifier onto another. It comes in many forms and goes by a variety of names. Classifications, rank, titles, labels, gossip, criticism, and putdowns to name a few. This is judgment in the objective sense. The opinion of one or many that may guise itself as truth. Harmless in its objectivity but rarely objective. Judgment in the subjective sense, is simply, a defense mechanism. The Human Mind will go to great length to protect itself from emotion and personal conflict. Consider, it is easier, or rather it feels better to label, criticize, and ridicule others compared to tolerating, understanding, or reconciling with them. Simply put, devaluing others reinforces our sense of superiority or inferiority while simultaneously blaming the subject of our ridicule for our self-imposed sense of superiority or inferiority.

In other words, as long as they are fat and lazy we are lean and hard-working, as long as they are poor then we are financially stable, as long as they are ignorant then we are informed, you see my point. Judgement is not that simple though, often we judge not because we see ourselves as better than others but because we feel we are worse. We resent others because we see them as superior, or rather ourselves as inferior. They are perhaps doing things that we desire to be doing. Perhaps they are physically attractive. Perhaps they have more money. Maybe they hooked up with there girl we were trying to hook up with. The classic hater scenario, you get my point.

Therefore, when we examine judgment carefully, it is, in its purest form, comparison. We are making a comparison of ourselves to others and then project that comparison onto them. This comparison serves two advantages to the individual. It reaffirms their sense of identity, or more precisely, the ego sense of Self. Second, it denies the underlying emotion fueling the judgment.

How do you feel when criticizing someone’s body? better or worse about yourself? Why else do we have a Television shows like Keeping Up With the Kardashians and celebrity tabloids then to make us feel better about ourselves by poking fun at wealthy attractive celebrities. See, they are not so special after all, they have cellulite and relationship issues as well. Perhaps, we worship these celebrities, which is another type of judgment. The Judgment or comparison of self.  In fact, the vast majority of mainstream media is riddles with judgment. However, this is a topic for another time.

We judge because it takes the focus off ourselves. Have you ever noticed that the most judgmental of people are often those who have attempted very little in their lives. This is no coincidence. Seeing others succeed would only make them feel worse about themselves. Therefore, they squash any attempts of improvement or change with harsh judgement. In truth, they are in judgement of themselves and this judgment is projected at others.

So why do we judge? We judge because it is easier than facing the truth. The truth is we aren’t loving and accepting ourselves. If you loved and accepted yourself completely, you would never judge another.  Absolute acceptance leaves no room for judgment. For example, If you accepted your body you would not feel the need to shame someone else’s.   If you loved yourself completely you would not need to convince yourself you were superior to them.

Now, how do we stop being so judgmental? Most behaviorist would argue that it requires an awareness of the problem followed by a consistent and conscious effort to alter the behavior. I partially agree, as I alluded to previously, Judgment is as much of an emotion as a thought or behavior. Just because you do not call someone a name does not imply that you are not thinking it, more importantly that you are not feeling it. We rarely tell people how we truly feel about them and yet it is the feelings that motivate our behaviors.

Therefore, the answer lies at its source, the emotion. It is a recognition of the feeling that motivated the judgment. Shame, guilt, envy, sadness, fear are common culprits. The paradox is that relinquishing of judgment lies not in suppression but the expression of these emotions. It is in the recognition, acknowledgment, feeling and release of these emotions that judgment ceases. It is no longer a conscious thought. You no longer see others the same way. You seem them as acceptable. You no longer see yourself the same way. You see yourself as acceptable.

How can this be? It is easy to understand when you deduce it to its source. When you catch yourself body shaming someone, you are consciously aware of judgment. If you recognize the reason you are doing so is being influenced by a belief you have about your own body. You can now probe how you truly feel about your body. When you become aware of this feeling, you can accept and allow it. You can sit with that disgusting, uncomfortable shame until it is completely resolved.

It may take a few minutes or four long days. However, it always passes in time. The trick is to stay out of your head during this time. Practices like meditation will allow you to detach from the thoughts that make feelings worse or better. It is  wise not to judge the emotion as bad or good. Emotion simply is. It just exists. It is there or it is not. It is unbiased and non-selective. Men and Women, Black and White, we all feel.

The good news is, you will now feel better and more accepting of your body. Your body may naturally change as result of your new outlook. You can now apply this to any judgment you carry; money, sex, race, politics, etc. A good way to catch yourself in judgment is to remember that there is not a better or worse. No one is better or worse that you are. We are all equal. Opinions are quantitative and never qualitative.  Unless you allow them to be

 

Dan McGinley RN BSN

 

 

 

 

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Lessons and Mistakes of “Separation”: You and Them

The following insights are based on my experiences and observations of myself and other. My goal for this article is to share them as objectively and un-emotionally as possible. However, it important to note that this journey has been anything but un-emotional. In fact the last year has been the most emotionally charge of my entire life experience. There is great importance in our emotions but that is a topic for another time.

I want to start by clarifying something, a little over a year ago I never believed in any of what I am about to share with you. I was a rather jaded, scientific minded, and not “Spiritual”. I barely knew how to meditate. I didn’t believe in true love, love at fist site, soulmates or any of the Spiritual rabbit holes. All I can say is experience will make a believer out of anyone.

The other night, all the weird spiritual things happen at night, I felt an emptiness in my chest where my heart once resided. I was loosing my true love, the girl I fell in love with at first site, the one whos existence catalyzed this journey within me. Part of me wanted to write to her, wanted to ask for her to wait for me, beg her not to leave. I didn’t, I sat with the feeling until it passed. This experience got me thinking about the mistakes I have made, the lessons I have learned, and how sharing them may benefits others. At the very least help others understand why these things happen. Why you and they behave the way you and they do. The things I wish I could tell my former self.

The first thing I learned was that Ego-bolstering and validation seeking will never be entertained or appeased from your counterpart, during separation. This one took me some time to work out. I could not figure out what the deal was with this girl? I hate to sound ego-centric but I was not used to making such an effort and being rejected. I just wanted the opportunity to get closer to her is all. There is more to it, but it seemed like the harder I tried the farther it drove her away. It only made me look more sad and desperate. I can only laugh at myself in retrospect. What I now know, is these relationships thrive on authenticity and personal growth, not ego derived expectations. What can I say, I was a newly awakened Dude who had no clue how to manage his emotions. Furthermore, I see now that she has her own fears and doubts regarding me, the connection, ect. She always felt I was “trying to get things from her”. I suppose, in a way she was correct but never in the way she thought. I just wanted to love her, show her who I truly was.

The only point, if ever, you will receive any type of validation is when you have transcended the perceived need for it. They simply can not give validation no matter how hard you push them for it. Trust me, it just makes them angry and you sad. Naturally, you will accuse them of being non-communicative, dishonest, and distant. It will hurt badly when they deny loving you. I suspect this is because they don’t yet, or at least they are not yet aware of it, or willing to admit it to themselves. I believe this is why they avoid letting you get close. They are keep you at a distance because they feel safer that way. They have their past traumas and they will project them onto to you. They will worry that you wont accept them for who they truly are. They worry that you will abandon them as others have from their past. In fairness, you have your own issues that you project onto them in an equal yet opposite way. For example, it is your fear of abandonment that may be driving your to seek validation and theirs that drives them away. We all deal with trauma differently. One of chases love and the other runs from it.

Try to understand that they are teaching you a valuable lesson. The lesson they will remind you of is that validation comes from within, love from within, happiness from within, etc. In the end you will have immense gratitude for them. The paradox is that the less you feel you “need” them, the more they open up to you. I suspect this occurs, at least partially because you are becoming increasingly detached and less connected to them during this time. They perceive this and they feel they are loosing you, because in the energetic sense they are. Dare I say it, you were vibrationally/ energetically coddling them. Your intense, borderline obsessive focus on and love for them gave them a sense of security and comfort during separation. The retraction of this energy is noticeable to them. In truth, you have simply healed enough, mastered enough lessons to shift the focus from them to you. This is a necessary and important phase for both parties.

Relax, it is not normal and they love you. There is nothing “normal” about this connection. It is nothing like an average relationship so try not to, but you will, use your previous relationship experience as a template. It is best not to have a plan or expectations, but you will anyways. You are both transcending the 3D/ old paradigm template for relationship so there is no ideal template or journey to replicate. In fact, reading this is probably a massive waste of your time. However, always remember that the relationship is with yourself. The more you can focus on what they are teaching you about yourself and less about why they are the way they are, the better off you will both be.

I even use the term love loosely here. Don’t get me wrong, there is an intense love and a strong physical attraction. It just isn’t always the romantic Hollywood type of love. They say that Twin sibling often have a shared empathy, the same holds true with us. It kills me to see her suffer and there is nothing she could do or has done that I wouldn’t be able to accept. We have just learned not to baby each other emotionally. It even gets a little Daddy and Mommy type love in a weird non-sexual sense. Lets face it, we all have some degree of mommy and daddy issues, which these connections can help illuminate. Time, space, and distance is all we can give each other most of the time. They love you, it just takes them longer to realize it. How could they not love you, the two of you are one. The Journey is about spiritual and energetic oneness. It is not about proximity and communication. It is not about talking out your differences and compromise. Let love do all that for you while you work on yourselves and allow them to do the same.

Relax, they know, they see you too. It is a mistake to assume anything on this journey, but more importantly that you have a greater awareness, intuition or are more “awake” then they are. You are equals and simply have different roles to play for each other. Trying to convince them of your beliefs will just freak them out, take my word on this. Besides, you will both doubt and question the whole thing at multiple times. You will both feel confused,lost, and crazy at times. You will just talk about it more than they do. Again, this goes back to validation seeking. What is important is to give them time to figure it out in their own way. I do not advise trying to make a case for yourself and throwing a bunch of Spiritual labels in their face. I think they hate the notion of being obligated to you or anyone else. It frightens them, threatens their sense of independence. Vulnerability is an issue for them as it is with you. The truth is they are not obligated to you, nor you to them. You both have free-will and I mean that in the ultimate sense of the term. Yet another paradox, you love it when they lay claim to you and they hate it when you do it to them. To put it simply, respect their boundaries and while you are at it, make some for yourself.

There is a comfortable awkwardness between you both. Sometimes you will feel magnetically drawn to them and other time you will want nothing to do with them. Such is true for them, just don’t expect them to admit to the magnetism. You feel like you have known each other for your entire lives and therefore you make assumptions about them. Things naturally get awkward. You will feel like home to each other and see the depths within each other. All I can say in a purely subjective way, is we do not look like other Human Being to one another. We do and do not because we are and we are not. We see each others, or rather our souls reflected within them. A Soul is the most beautiful thing imaginable. This terrifies them and it compels you. There are indescribable and undeniable energetic experiences that occur on this journey. Things like tantra and telepathy are real. They are not for discussion here.

We feel like home because we come from the same place. No, we did not grow up in the same town. I mean cosmic or spiritual origins. We are cut from the same cloth. Starseeds, Indigos, Soul families, whatever label you want to put on it. We just see each other like Avatars and there is a sense of unfinished business between us. We also see each others humanness too. The challenge is to learn to love and accept those aspects as well as we reflect out the parts of ourselves we are not yet loving. This is not done gently and is often done in the form of triggering one another. Emotions are heightened between us and at least from my perspective, it got rather childish. For example, my feelings would be hurt is she did not heart one of my comments on social media. I think I hurt her when I stopped following her content as well. I know it sounds absurd and I assure you, there is no one else on the planet whos response to me on social media or lack thereof influenced me so emotionally. The lesson here is to be gentle with each other. Your reactions are heightened with heightened emotions. To this day, I regret saying certain things to her. Things I assumed were harmless or would be taken sarcastically and were not. Ultimately, we had to learn not to blame each other for our feeling and triggers. We had to learn forgiveness and non-judgement for ourselves and each other. There is just no bullshitting one another. We just know what’s up with each other. However, we have had to discern what is our projections based on our own fears and insecurities and what is truth. Ultimately facing our fears and insecurities until we no longer have to concern ourselves with what the other is or is not doing, is or is not thinking. No jealously, drama, or insecurity permitted. No controlling, deceptive, or codependent behaviors are desirable to either party.

Stop waiting for them. This is difficult to accomplish. I have heard of others “waiting” for their counterparts for many years. To be brutally honest, that makes me want to bash head into a wall. Don’t get me wrong, it is not that she is not worth waiting for. If I were to wait for any woman, it would be her. What I have come to understand, is that this is journey is about unconditional self-love and love for each other. I love myself enough not spend a lifetime waiting for anyone, not even her. Furthermore, as endearing as the idea of her waiting for me is, I would not ask her to do anything that would compromise her happiness. In other words, I would see her happy with another than hopelessly waiting for me. Yes, it is that kind of love, the kind that transcends selfishness. To be completely honest with you, I am now dating again. I do not feel guilty or regretful about this. At some point, you will stop making excuses for them and put your happiness first. The facts are simple, she could have asked me to wait, she could have apologized, she could have made an effort to reconcile with me. She never did. Therefore, I must do what is best for me. I must go with the flow. In a strange way, this journey has made meeting new women, potential lovers, more effortless than ever before. I have learned to appreciate women in their totality. I simply respect, adore, and accept them as they are. There are no good or bad relationships, just better aligned ones, more harmonious and balanced ones. You must vibrate what you desire to attract.

As long and you are waiting, they are not coming. This is a reflection that there is some letting go to do, a need to put yourself first, somethings about yourself you need to face still. Furthermore, it is an energetic partnership, one parties’ shift often results in the others. This is just a correlation I have personally noticed. Perhaps it is an agreement our higher selves made, to use each other as a medium to heal and balance our and the collective masculine and feminine energies, Union within. Sometimes, I don’t know what is happening to me until after it happens. I will awaken in the night with uncomfortable energies in random places in my body (Chakra points), that I will have to consciously move through me. The feelings can be intense at times and assuming this theory is correct, I sometimes feel like she is going to kill me. She shifts energy, that’s what she does and now, that’s what I do too. It is difficult to explain and all I know for sure, is I am nothing like I was a year ago and neither is she.

Learn how to Surrender. Let go of trying to control how this meeting/ Union takes place if in fact it ever will. This is something both parties desire on a deep level but neither gets to control how, when, or if it happens. I can’t explain the reason why two people can’t just discuss it and plan a meeting. Like I said, it is not normal. This is yet another pain in the ass Spiritual lesson you have to learn, to let go of control, to trust God/ the Universe. To believe that love overcomes all barriers; time, space, distance, and difference. Regardless of what happens, I am eternally grateful for this experience and for her. I haven’t always felt this way, but I am the lucky one. I am forever changed and better for it.

In the end, all I have is my strength and a much better understanding of love. Love is alchemy, it transforms us from the inside out. Separation is an illusion, we are always connected, always together, each and everyone of us.

Dan McGinley RN BSN

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Habits: The Neuro-emotional Mechanics of Behavioral Modification

To be brutally honest with oneself is to acknowledge that their current state of existence is something they are no longer willing to tolerate. This may sound slightly intense to some. It contains the weight of a suicide threat, and in the psychological and emotional sense, it is.

I am not a psychologist, behaviorist, or neurobiologist. I am not leaning on my professional background or education in the dissemination of my knowledge. I am no expert, but I know a great deal about changing behaviors permanently. I am nothing special. I am just a Dude who once had a healthy drug habit, was once promiscuous, kind of lazy, and relentlessly perused the girl he madly loved, loves. All debilitating behaviors in hindsight. None of these behaviors were easy to end and with the exception of one, they did not take long to do so.

Reflections of the past remind us how far we have come. A year ago I would have spent this Saturday evening drinking, doing drugs, and if successful, having sex. I now find myself more than content with a cup of tea, writing a blog with the occasional, actually frequent pause to listen to my child tell me about something video game related. Sounds boring compared to the alternative but I assure you it the opposite.

I am happy by comparison, the happiest I have been in a very long time. I am not hot shit by any means. I am not rich. I don’t own a ton of cool stuff. I am not dating a super-model and my car is a piece of shit, but it doesn’t matter, because I am happy, healthy, and empowered.

All change occurs within, transformation is a lonely internal job. There was no program, book, or group that created this change for me. There were helpful tools and resources at times but these change occurred in the solicitude of my heart and mind. With tears on my face and pain in my body.

In my opinion, the reason we find change so difficult is simple. We believe we are incapable of it and we fear pain, emotional and physical. Both are inevitable but choice is conscious. So choose well for yourself even when it hurts. Remember you have ultimate free-will. The power of choice can never be underestimated. Even if you believe you can not quit drugs or live without a certain person in your life, believe me, you can. Whatever you want to change about your life is changeable. That is the only truth I suggest clinging to.

The first step is to begin a discipline meditative practice. Meditation is one of the easiest things to do yet people avoid it like the plague. There are many ways to meditate. At its core, meditation is the process of self-awareness. It teaches us essential techniques necessary to change behavior. To detach from the thoughts that loop us back into compulsive self-defeating behaviors. Put simply, Meditation teaches us how to think less and feel more.

The power of emotions can not be underestimated. Gone are the days when you label emotions as either positive or negative. They just are and they just exist. We feel something and label it as sadness, fear, joy, love, etc. There are some emotions we prefer to feel and some we do not. This simple model influences the majority of our decisions. For example, drugs make us feel “good”, when we are feeling “bad” so we do them. Sex makes us feel “connected”, we feel “disconnected” so we have it. These are just simple examples and obviously there is much more to drug use and human sexuality.

We justify behaviors because the alternative is too painful to feel until it is not. We stay in toxic or unfulfilling relationships because the break up hurts too much. Often it is only when the experience hurts worse than the lack of the experience that we change. The painful risk outweighs the emotional benefit. The paradox is that when we feel and release the emotional pain preventing us from ceasing a behavior do we completely free ourselves from it. It is really that simple. We completely loose the desire to repeat behaviors that we know will be painful to end. Hence, the behavior ceases permanently. The paradox is that the pain we avoided feeling to end the behavior, now motivates us to avoid it.

I want you to imagine the potential implications. No more depression or anxiety disorders. No more toxic, self-abusive behaviors. No more suicide or homicide. No more suffering from the embrace of suffering.

I would suggest not disregarding this knowledge. To do so is to disregard your innate ability to heal past trauma and change any behavior you desire to change. This is your power and it wont be found in a medication. It wont be found in a text book. It wont be found in an exercise program or diet. It wont be found in the words of a Clinician or the hands of a Healer. It is in you.

If you were looking for a complex lesson in neurochemistry of psychology, I am sorry to disappoint you. In the end, it comes down to awareness, choice, and an abundance of emotional grit.

Dan McGinley RN BSN

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Not Another Love Story

Gratitude rarely comes with ease. Letting you go is the hardest thing I have ever done. It is not easy being your reflection. I suspect, inversely, it was not easy being mine either. I wish I had made things easier on you. I wish I had done somethings differently. I have regrets. Regrets I have accepted.

It irritates me, seeing all the articles with titles stating things like “The Man Who Loves You Will Always Pursue You” or “The Person Who Loves You Will do these 8 things” . What a crock of shit. There are plenty of relationship coaches out there speaking of communication and compromise. Perhaps that works for some but that is not the type of love we have chosen. No, few have the perseverance and resolve for such love. Few have the self-awareness and emotional grit. Few choose such a journey. Perhaps even fewer succeed.

It is still not clear to me why we would choose this. What has been the purpose of it all? Perhaps it was simply a means teach ourselves greater Self-love. Perhaps it a means to better understand ourselves. Perhaps, it was a means to galvanize greater spiritual healing. Perhaps it was simply a means to gain a greater understanding of love, codependency, and the true nature of men and women. Perhaps we will someday reach Union. Perhaps it is all those things and more. I would like to believe that, but I no longer believe in fairy tales. I no longer cling to expectation.

The truth is no Man will “Always” pursue you. There are no Romeos or Juliet’s. There is no Prince Charming or Cinderella. There are just flawed Human Beings. There is just selfish Love. The type of love that transforms us. The type of love that molds and shapes us into something beyond our former selves. The type of love that reconciles our past mistakes.

The truth is, we are not like the others. As much as we wish to be, we never will be. This type of love can not be understood by most. It is not the type of love given away lightly. It is not the type of love you will read about in an eye catching article. Oh no, this type love is earned through countless tears. This type of love would destroy most people. This type of love is crystalized in our very Being. . That is why we chose this, to become love itself.

 

 

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Destabilizing “The System”: The Modern Enslavement Paradox

If you were anticipating an article about anarchy, economics, politics or any of the concepts most associate with “The System” then I’m afraid you will be disappointed. Hopefully you are curious. To be clear, this is not an article in which I promote chaos and anarchy. I am no attempting to encourage you to live off the grid in a compound, armed to teeth awaiting in preparation for some apocalyptic foot soldiers. On the contrary, what I am proposing may look very similar to a life you are living now. You can keep all your home, luxuries, your job and I suggest you continue to pay your taxes. You will simply feel much happier, free, and truly sovereign. You will no longer feel subservient to the government, your boss, your partner, substances or anything you choose to reclaim yourself from. You will feel free to choose, to follow your dreams unrestricted. Perhaps, someday, if enough of us choose to destabilize, we may rid ourselves of war, poverty, greed and all forms of corruption.

I realize this sounds like some hippie utopia that is too good to be true. It really is not, because it is not how things look in the external World that matter, not in the beginning anyhow. Humor me and allow me to compel you further.

To understand how and why we must destabilize “The System” we must first understand what the System actually is. In order to do this we must further understand the nature of reality and the nature of ourselves. You are the System and the System is you. The System is a complex multi-layered series of beliefs. Beliefs we have come to covet as truth. Truth that is rapidly being unveiled.

We are born into this World free of belief. We are pure, innocent and free of bias, judgement or Dogma. We grow, we learn and we are conditioned. Conditioned to believe. To believe things about ourselves, each other, and the World in which we reside. This is an undisputable fact. Where you are born into a world within a world, a reality within a reality. Your parents, your school, your culture, your religion, and even your gender will determine how you perceive yourself, others, and the very nature of existence.

The truth can not stand the test of time. The World was once flat, this was the belief of the time and therefore held as truth. It was not Science that disproved this belief. It was courage. The courage to question the mainstream beliefs and then seek evidence to prove the majority wrong. Even in the face of overwhelming scientific data there are some who continue to cling to their beliefs. This is not done from a preferred state of ignorance but fear. Take evolution as an example, the denial of evolution is not due to a lack of reason or evidence, but fear. A belief, so ingrained in the mind of many that they will spend an eternity suffering if they dare question their beliefs. The beliefs of their church. The coveter of truth, of knowledge, of God, of your Soul, of your power. Please do not misinterpret my message. I am not anti-religion, nor am I atheist. I believe their are universal teachings of love, compassion and kindness amongst all popular religion. What I oppose is any institution that uses fear as a means of control and domination.

It is not science that determine truth, Science simply confirms observations that are not restricted by fear, by bias or by agendas. The truth and true science is free of such things. What we choose to believe is ultimately that. A simple choice. Therefore we can choose to believe nothing at all. We can choose to question and dissolve any belief that is limiting. Any belief that is latent with fear, control and disempowerment.  Any belief that keeps you dependent on “The System”. The moment you adopt a System based belief, a definition of oneself and others then you have in fact placed limits on yourself. If you are this than you are limited to being this and therefore you can never be that or the other. The paradox is that we are everything an nothing simultaneously.

The System of beliefs has one objective. To divide us and conquer us. To make us think we are separate, to demonize our difference rather than honor and respect them. To make us feel inadequate, incapable, limited, fearful, weak and therefore depend on it. Beliefs that Men and Women are substantially different. When the truth is that our biology, our genitals and the beliefs we covet about ourselves, about each other are the only real differences. The belief that one race is superior or inferior to another. When the truth is that the only difference is the color of our skin and the beliefs we covet about one another. The belief that you need be rich and physically attractive by Societies’ standards to be happy, loved and accepted.  The truth is that these are simply feelings and emotions are independent and exclusive from financial prosperity and appearance.

If you feel the system is working well for then ask yourself honestly. If you were to loose it all tomorrow, how would you feel? or look around at your fellow Human Being. The ones you feel are so different. The homeless, the drug addict, the prostitute or perhaps the corpse of some middle eastern child who was killed with bomb, built with your hard earned tax dollars. Are these the stories we wish to continue to tell in the 21st century. That this is the best we can do. A highly intelligent and adaptable species, do you wish to cling to this truth.

If you are asking yourself what can you do? I have my own problems to deal with. You are correct. The system perpetuates a state of lack and suffering in your life so you are often too consumed to concern yourself with anything beyond your day, your week, your month. Always fixated on diverting possible catastrophe that we fail to recognize what is happening now. You are too busy trying to fit in to an impossible standard. A standard you ultimately placed on yourself. You are too busy trying race the rats. To get ahead. To find a mate. To survive in a terrifying world. Any extra income is likely going to be spent on a means of self-sedation. A night out drinking, drug use, an attempt at intercourse, a vacation, some shopping perhaps. Anything to be considered “normal”, to be loved and accepted by the group. The truth is you are nothing but normal. You are beautifully unique. You have gifts, meant to be used for YOUR greatest good, which is the greatest good for all. You are loved and accepted as you are. The System or rather you have convinced yourself otherwise.

This is not about attacking the “The System”. This is not about blaming the elites, the government, the institutions, the corporation or any external entity that we perceive to be the cause of our disempowerment. Modern day enslavement is a voluntary enslavement. All based on beliefs YOU have adopted, ingrained in fear and illusion. The enslavers themselves have similar beliefs and are no different. The difficult truth is there is no one to blame but yourself. The good news is, you can volunteer to be free. You can reclaim the power you gave away unconsciously. You can rewrite your story for you hold the pen. They have no leverage over you if you give them none.

I realize this may sound harsh and judgmental. I assure you it is not, because it is not your fault. You were simply born into this and there is nothing different about you and the dead middle eastern child. However, there is something you can do. As I mentioned, the system is you. Therefore, if want to destabilize the system then must destabilize yourself. It is in this process that you free yourself from the system or more accurately, free yourself from yourself. Your present and former Self, and become your new Self. The true Self.

You can start by being brutally honest with yourself. Are you Happy? like really happy and not just relatively happy? If you are not then why? What do you desire and why? Who are you and why are you here? Who do you want to be? Not who your friends, family, spouse, government, or culture wants you to be but YOU? Be unapologetically selfish with this.

Start meditating and gain some self-awareness. Start questioning all the beliefs you hold, especially the ones you are afraid to question. Most importantly, start loving yourself. Make unconditional love and acceptance for yourself your primary life goal. Then witness as love transforms you, your life and your reality from the inside out. Love will destroy all that it is not you, for you are love. You create your reality from the inside out. Therefore, the more love and acceptance you feel for yourself, the more sovereign you become. The more you empathize with others and the more you inspire.

It is really that simple but extremely difficult. Arguably the most challenging experience of your life. It requires an acute self-awareness and emotional grit. You will face fears, you may loose friends, you will shed many tears, you will feel lost and confused at times.

If needed, quite your Soul-sucking job, leave a toxic relationship, stop paying your debts, destroy your credit, give away your possessions. Literally, de-stabilize yourself as much as you deem necessary to break free. It is when you are free of obligations to others that you discover yourself and what is truly important in life. I have done all these things without regret. What I learned was money, women, sex, institutions, and possessions had no real power over me. It was all an illusion, a false belief. I’m not suggesting you must do the same as I. What I am reiterating is that who are and how you feel has little to do with your external circumstances. Consider money and holy water, both have power but their power resides only in the minds of those who covet them. Holy water is just water and money is just paper or digital numbers. The only power they truly contain is based on a belief. There is nothing wrong with either, they are only problematic when we allow them to define us and  control us, to enslave us. When we tell children their Souls are doomed because they haven’t been anointed with the sacred water. When we sacrifice that which is most valuable to us for the obtainment of paper and numbers. Our authenticity, our dignity, our time, our identity, our health, our relationships to name a few.

So why endeavor this? Because the greater the challenge the greater the reward. Because nothing is more worthy of your efforts. Because the experience of being free, fearless, loved, happy and sovereign is worth your best efforts. Because a better world, reality and existence depends on it. Because the fate of humanity and the planet depends on it. That is the truth.

 

Love and Empathy,

Dan McGinley RN BSN

 

 

 

 

 

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Phases of Divine Union

Recognition: The journey towards Divine Union begins with Soul recognition. There is a magnetic attraction to another like nothing you have experienced in your life. There is a sexual, intuitive, true love connection and recognition that is undeniable. A magnetism that can not be explained or released, at least not at first. This is essential for it keeps you devoted and committed through the next phase. This does not guarantee that this individual is your Divine Counterpart. In some cases, this individual may be a catalyst of sorts for your true counterpart. You will discover this answer yourself in due time. In truth, it matters not. This is the most difficult truth for others to understand in the early phases. I promise you, in time you will agree with me, it will not matter to you.
Understand this, you are not crazy and you are not alone. The inspiration for this piece was the understanding that many of us “Twin” Souls are coming into Union in the coming months, year. There is a new wave following suit. This realization motivated me to share what I have learned on my journey thus far. It is not just about me. It is about me, it is about her and it is about the collective. I am here to help because it is more important than my individual Union, your romantic preconceptions, or society masquerading co-dependency and misery as love and acceptance. When physical Union occurs, there is exponential shift within the surrounding Soul group. The love extends beyond the relationship to others. Furthermore, we all have important Soul missions to assist the collective consciousness to the state of oneness. In truth, this is the end game for the journey, not your romantic fantasy, but you can have that
too as a bonus.

This will become increasingly clear along your journey. Your true Divine Counterpart will align with your mission as you do theirs, in time. This is the very nature of alignment and vibrational matching. This in part is what will bring you closer to each other.
Understand this is as well, this is nothing like you knew from your past relationships. There is no ideal template. Forget everything you think you know about love and relationships. This is not some Hollywood romantic comedy, Stephanie Meyers novel, or some Disney cartoon where the Knight in shining armor saves the Princess. Another lesson is that we can not “save” them, we can only do the work on ourselves and allow them to do the same. If you think you need to save of fix another then you need to reconsider what unconditional love and acceptance means. In fact, this journey will destroy that notion as it does your Ego. This occurs in the next, immediate phase flowing recognition.
Tough Love: You may be familiar with the “runner chaser” dynamic often described by others. If you are reading this then you are most likely a “chaser”. The runners are masters at denying the connection and they take longer to gain the same awareness. The level of denial is uncanny and necessary. One day they may tell that they feel like they have known you their entire life and then treat like a stranger the following day. In part, this is a test of Faith. It is also a lesson. You do not need them to validate you, your truth and your knowing.
These roles can be reversed or experienced with you Divine Counterpart and possibly a third party. I know it’s painful to even consider a third party, but it is often true. Don’t worry, they are necessary too and you will not be the only left without a seat when the music stops. You will know when you are the one and in truth it does not matter. It is ultimately about you. You will be with your Counterpart and it will be awesome, so I am told. If you are the true counterpart then I promise this. Your mere presence will eventually destroy any relationship that your Counterpart is in. This is not done intentionally of course, that is not love. They will likely not mention this relationship to you at first, they will dissolve of their own natural causes. You yourself will find it impossible to get into a new relationship and your desire for sex will become very fixated on your counterpart. Another clue is that you will both have a “Kundalini” awakening. They may not admit this to you or they may call it by another name but regardless, it is an essential part of your and their spiritual evolution and preparation.
The runner chaser phase is arguably the worst experience of your life. It must happen. it is imperative.

I will not speak for the runner for I was a former chaser. It doesn’t really matter why they run. Perhaps they do not believe in true love, the connection, whatever. Perhaps it is a fear of abandonment, they worry they will lose their freedom, etc. They will never tell you. They simply cannot. It is part of their Soul contract with you, they often will not understand it themselves until they do and it is not your job to inform them. During this time, they will never validate you. They will never tell you what you so desperately want to hear. Believe me, I tried hard and more than once. They cannot tell you even if they desire to. The harder you pull the harder they push. It’s rude, I get it, but it is necessary. This is part of the contract they agreed to with you and it is in your best interest. It is teaching you self-love, self-validation, self-awareness, etc.
All they can do is mirror, reflect what you need and not what you want. If they are ignoring you are ignoring yourself. If they are neglecting you then it means you are neglecting yourself. If they are denying you then you know what it means. They will break your heart multiple times. This too is necessary and leads us to the next phase.
Ascension: They say emotions are multiplied between Twin Souls. I believe this. When that girl is angry with me I can feel it across the World, literally. Furthermore, it kills me to see her hurt. This is important for multiple reasons. It teaches you how to communicate with each other. There is no lying between you two for you will feel the difference. Most importantly, it teaches you emotional responsibility. If you project your pain onto them they will temporarily block you from communication. I should know, it has happened to me six, maybe seven times? I honestly lost count. It is the love and empathy I feel for her that has made me accountable for my pain and coming back for more. It is also the fact that I hated when she would cut off communication.
When you own your emotions and feel your pain that they activate within you then you begin to ascend. You heal, you grow, you learn, and you raise your vibration. You will feel everything, sadness, anger, rage, bitterness, jealousy, unworthiness. You will understand the true meaning of “Karma is Bitch”. I see every girl I ever hurt as her and in an indirect way it was reflected back to me. Your true counterpart never wants to hurt you intentionally, they just activate those painful emotions, vibrations within you. A side benefit of this process is you begin to master your ability to manifest. You are raising your vibration, your worthiness, etc. You are trying so hard to manifest Union that manifesting money, etc., becomes easier. Your connection with Self, with Source/ God becomes stronger.
You will learn forgiveness for them and yourself. You will learn empathy for them and yourself. You will learn compassion for them yourself. You will learn unconditional love for them and yourself. These are invaluable lessons that you will extend to others. Love is not selfish and it is not about control or possession. This is the greatest gift one Human Being can give to another. Paradoxically, it is the greatest act of love. Therefore, I will always be grateful to her regardless of the outcome. This stage takes a keen self-awareness and emotional grit. You have these gifts within you my beloveds.
This phase is not all pain, there will be times that you feel your heart open and fill with Divine Love. It is pure ecstasy when it happens. Greater than sex or any drug. It is pure bliss and ecstasy. A feeling I equate with heaven.
Empowerment: Throughout this process, you and they will witness every relationship dynamic in which you disempowered yourself and others. With sex, power, money, gender roles, etc. You will learn what harmony and balance is within a relationship. You will know what it feels like within yourself and you will accept nothing less. Not even from your counterpart. You will learn responsibility for your energy and walk away from any relationship that is not balanced and is not harmonized. It when others are seeking drain your love vibes. You will not be lured or seduced by physical attractiveness. I once was unable to say no to an attractive woman, now it is easy.
Letting go: This is so important and the time to do this, to end the chaser runner cycle will become clear to you. You will know the healing is done when their rejection of you no longer hurts. You become indifferent in a sense. You still have your desires but there is a simple choice you will make. You or them? Your happiness and bliss or unnecessary suffering. The ultimate lesson is this, put yourself first before any other. Self-love will demand that you let go of any relationship that is not making you happy, that is not reciprocated love. This is not done from a place of resentment or bitterness but of love and empathy for Self and your Counterpart.
Attachment is a form of control and selfishness. Love is about freedom and choice. In the end, you choose yourself and they are free to choose you as well, or not. Either way, you are the chosen one. Regardless of their choice, it won’t bother you. You will now understand what true love is. It is about all parties being happy. You will now realize that you value your happiness and theirs. There is no true happiness in codependency. It is not best for you to be with someone who doesn’t love you as you do them and who wants to be with someone they do not love. True love wants to see you happy, free and thriving. Not stuck in box for its own selfish benefit. The paradox is this. As You grow in self-love, your true Counterpart falls deeper in love with you.
“Part of Self-love is allowing those who love you to come out of hiding”. Rumi
Physical Union: I have yet to reach this stage. Honestly, I am not certain it will be with her. I am indifferent at this point. I no longer seek or chase. I no longer reach out to her or creep her Facebook page. I am simply committed to myself, loving myself deeply and profoundly. I am being guided to relocate and this will bring in closer physical proximity. I simply keep the Faith and Trust that my self-love will be reflected to me in another, my Divine Counterpart.
We do not require another to make us happy. We should never change who we are or make excuses for ourselves to satisfy another. We should never make excuses for others who do not treat us as we deserve to be treated. We are complete sovereign Beings and so are they. We are Divine Love and Divine Union occurs within.
Divine Union is a beautifully destructive process. It is a burdensome Honor. I am so very proud of myself and so very proud of her. I am proud of each one of you on this path to Divine Union.

Love and Empathy

Dan McGinley RN BSN
Holistic Health Coach

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Cycles and Soul Contracts

Had difficulty sleeping last night. As is typically the case with insomnia, there is much on my mind. Strange occurrences that the mind simply can not understand logically or rationally, yet it loves to try. Perhaps if I write about it, that will help bring me clarity.

As dawn approaches and the morning sun turns darkness into light, I can not help but wonder what it all means. Discernment is truly an art beyond the mind’s capacity. For so long I was certain that the woman I was guided to was my “Twin Flame”. I had all the signs. A premonition of her eye color, hair color, skin color, etc. I recognized her in my soul as soon as I saw her. There was love at first sight, a deep love that lead a long period of heart break, healing, growth, expansion and profound lessons. Not to mentions the weird energetic experiences, kundalini as the old ones describe it, the dreams of her, the repeating numbers, etc.

I suppose that is the problem with labels. They limit us into thinking we have all the answers when we do not. It is only when we let go and things change does the “twin flame” become a “karmic soulmate” or “false Twin”. Ultimately, the labels do no matter. There are only lessons, healing and growth. There is only self-love and  preparation for our true beloved.

I finally let her go. Perhaps it was long overdue. She made it clear to me that she simply did not share my feelings. This information no longer caused me heartache as it once did.  I no longer needed to compare our experiences and cling to the similarities. The changes she went through when I arrived in her reality. I no longer had to chalk this up to a continuation of the “Runner and Chaser” energy.  Just pure acceptance.

Strangely, a new woman has entered my reality in a sense. She has the same eye color, hair color and skin color. She is beautiful. She lives in the same country as the one I once considered my “Twin”. The country I have been receiving guidance to move to. The country I am planning on visiting soon and relocating to in divine timing. Most importantly, she is interested in meeting. She is willing to show up. She sees the beauty in me as I do her. She is not indecisive.

Is this a test of faith? Is this simply something I needed to help me let go? To move me into a new awareness? A new energy? Is she a potential soulmate? Am the catalyst for her? Perhaps she is none of these things and all.

The curse of an analytical mind on the spiritual path. What is known is this. I am no longer seeking and I am open to love. There are no coincidences and we meet no one by accident. There is a lesson and higher perspective with every encounter. There is no right or wrong, only alignment. None of it makes a difference in this present moment. I am here and they are there, half a world away.

There is never a lack of weirdness when following your path. The fact both of these women have such similarities in terms of rare features is  uncanny to me. All that matters is this undeniable fact. Our guidance, to places and people, is ultimately leading to us to our greatest life experience. Wherever we are and whoever with, is where we are meant to be at that time. In the end, we end up in the place and with the one we are meant to. There is solace and peace in this. Now I can rest, with the knowing that all will work out for the good of all involved.

 

Dan McGinley RN BSN

Holistic Health and Consciousness Coaching

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The Reason We Suffer

I once owned a rifle. It was a large enough caliber to successfully end a life in one shot, if the barrel was placed properly. The idea was to place it in my mouth with my head at a 45 degree angle so the barrel would rest on the soft palate. This would allow me to reach the trigger with one had while stabilizing the barrel with the other. This angle would ensure that the bullet would travel through my mid-brain, the part of our brain responsible for our autonomic nervous system, The area that controls respiration, heart rate, blood pressure, etc. This would ensure an immediate, painless death. If the angle was off just a little, the bullet would pass through the cerebral cortex. With that caliber, this was a survivable injury that would result in permanent disability.

If I had discussed this plan with a mental health professional I would have been committed and placed on suicide watch against my will. As the only provider of my child, he would have been placed under child protective services custody. I would have been forced to take medication until I was “better”. Perhaps this approach works for some but I knew it would not for me.

Theses facts left me with two realizations. If I died, my son would have no one else. I would leave him with his highly dysfunctional mother or in the care of his grandparents. I loved him too much to part ways with him. The second realization was that I had to get ahold of my emotions if I was going to survive.

Like most who commit suicide, people often wonder why? They seemed so happy, they had their whole life ahead of them, so much potential, it is so selfish of them. On the surface this is all true. I had a great career, an amazing child, money, women, and loving and supportive friends and family. So why consider such an act?

The truth is this. It does not matter what things look like on the outside. Our well-being and happiness occurs within. This is why celebrities can be miserable and the poor can be joyful. We need to stop equating happiness with money, fame, admiration, approval, significant others, material possession, etc.

Happiness is an emotional state and nothing else can permanently create it for us. I am now happier than I have been in a very long time. Certainly not suicidal and in the physical sense I have much less. I quit my job, gave away most of my possession, broke up with my girlfriends, and moved in with my parents as a grown ass man with a child. In many ways, I feel like a child again. Free and in love with life. Things are progressing for me in unimaginable ways based purely on my heightened emotional state. However, there is still suffering at times.  I just know how to free myself of it in an appropriate way.

All the suffering in the World is a result of emotion. More accurately our inability to accept, feel and release the uncomfortable ones.  Good and Evil can be summarized as those who project their pain onto others and those who project it onto themselves. Those who project it on to others will harm, abuse, steal, rape, beat and murder their fellow Human. Those who project their suffering on themselves will become addicts, slaves to others, they will abuse and hurt themselves in multiple ways, they will commit suicide.

What is upsetting to me is that our emotions are denied, neglected and demonized. Our emotions are what make us Human. We need to stop pretending we are happy and everything is ok if it clearly is not. The painful truth is this. We were taught as children to suppress and project our emotions. They never leave us if we do not consciously learn to embrace, feel and release them. This is the true and only power we possess. Taking responsibility for how we feel at any given moment is true power. It is the power to improve our health. The power to improve our thoughts, beliefs and perspective of ourselves, others and the World we live in. It is the power to manifest a better existence. It is the power of free will. It is the power of love. Love is what transforms death into life. Love is everlasting. Love is the most powerful force in the universe. The life force that binds all living and non-living things. The energetic connection between organic and in-organic matter.

The paradox is this, love grows in the face of suffering. When we own our suffering, we grow in love. As love grows, suffering diminishes, for ourselves and all others.

Learn to meditate. Sensitize yourself to how you are feeling. When you feel an uncomfortable emotion, embrace it as yours. Do not distract yourself. Do not numb yourself. Do not burry it in your thoughts. Just feel it and allow it leave you. This is the practice that will end suffering.

Holistic Health and Consciousness Coaching

Dan McGinley RN BSN

 

 

 

 

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Because You Deserve It

When I first saw you, I loved you, because you deserve true love. I pursued you, because you deserve to be pursued. I have supported you, because you deserve support. I have invested in you, because you deserve to be invested in. I have been honest with you, because you deserve the truth. I have joked with you, because you deserve to laugh. I wrote you love letters and sent you gifts, because you deserve to be romanced. I have shown you appreciation, because you deserve gratitude. I haven’t touched another woman, because you deserve loyalty. I have stayed on the path, because you deserve commitment. I have improved myself, because you deserve the best version of me.

I chose you , because you deserve to be chosen. I can not choose for you. The reason I stopped is not because I feel you are no longer deserving. It is because you have taught me that I deserve it too.

 

Dan McGinley RN BSN

Holistic Health and Consciousness Coaching.