“Nice guys finish last”. We are all familiar with this phrase. Images of an insecure man being pushed around by others comes to mind. A weak person, lacking confidence and assertiveness. Do we accept this as a universal truth? Do we allow this to justify mistreating others. Is this a means to assert ourselves, coupled with a sense of entitlement becoming a cocktail for cruelty. Do we change who we are to get what we want? Do nice guys really finish last in life? I don’t think so, not in my experience.
Understand that being “nice” or what I call kind is different than lacking confidence. It does not mean being powerless or weak. I think people confuse being kind with people pleasing or lacking boundaries. Confuse it with lacking inner strength. Nice guys are presumed to be desperate, lacking choice and therefore lacking any real power.
It is true that a negative self-perception will effect your confidence. It will result in the development of people pleasing and peace keeping behavior patterns. It will limit choices and can lead to desperation. However, lets be clear. Kindness is not a weakness. It is a strength. Let’s not justify the habit of mistreating others under the guise of self-improvement. A nice guy syndrome or what most refer to as a “Beta” male is not a bad thing. In fact, there is much to be said for gentleness and softness in men. A character trait highly desired by most women. However, like all things, there is a balance. What most people consider alpha males are not truly alpha males. The modern “Alpha” male is generally a toxic male. Equipped with his own insecurities and flaws. These Men hate vulnerability. They have learned to hide their insecurities through behavior patterns involving dominating and be overbearing to others. Imposing their will on those deemed weaker than them. They are often men born with resources that were as easily acquired as their sense of entitlement. Making the justification of cruelty second nature. They are rarely selfless leaders and protectors. Therefore, they are not true Alphas. There concerns are only ever self focused. Whilst the modern day “Beta” is usually a man who has yet to learn his true value. He can’t hide his insecurity. It is written all over his face. He is a bit more fragile. Life has not been so kind to this kind hearted Human. His life experience has only reinforced his negative self image. Beta’s are men who have simply given up. They follow the rules despite the rules not serving them.
In my opinion, both parties, or perceptions of Self are imbalanced and unhealthy. The Beta needs to learn how to treat himself better. Where the Alpha needs to learn how to treat others better. To be kind to oneself implies being kind to others. Self implies other. In this regard, both parties are not “nice” guys. Therefore, the underlying theme is what is genuine Kindness? Why are Men either Dicks or Push overs?
I will not attempt to answer this questions in it’s totality. It is just too great of query. There are too many individual differences among men to lump them all into two simple categories. Moreover, there are too many distortions in the way women perceive men to answer it accurately. However, there is a third type of Man. The Sigma Male. The anomaly. The confident introvert. The one most women struggle to resist. The one who seeks inner power, not power over others. The one who knows his power is not in the forcefulness or imposition of his will on others, but in the acceptance and respect of others. The adaptable one. He who will overcome the odds to obtain his success. His success defined only by him.
The Sigma male is like any personality archetype. It’s just that. It doesn’t describe or define an individual to their core, but it does offer insight. It does not predict or assure how they behave in every circumstance. In different circumstances at different times in my life I’ve been the Beta. I’ve also been the Alpha, as all men have, but few can play the role of Sigma. Because the Sigma can’t truly be defined. His very nature defies definition. I am a Sigma not by choice but nature. Its like being Gay. Some people believe its a choice, but we all know it’s not.
This flexibility, adaptability, and inability to stay fixed is what defines a Sigma male. The underlying theme for a Sigma is Independence and freedom. They will happily give you your freedom and will not tolerate anyone imposing on theirs. Sigma Males at their core reject the group think. The can not stand conformity. They desire, more than anything to be truly free. They see the freedom traps involved with standard thinking in society. They understand that prisons are not just made of steel and concrete. There are emotional and psychological prisons as well and they are ever present. Therefore, a true Sigma is an introvert by nature. He spends much time alone working on himself. Trying to understand himself and how he relates to this world. A world he knows intuitively, he does not belong to. He only truly feel at home in himself. He would rather spend his time alone, working on his goals. Working on himself. Goals with a singular theme. How to be truly free. How to be more independent.
The Sigma is what most would describe as a Lone Wolf. He is fiercely independent in all aspects of his life. Any area where he is not, he is working towards it. He prefers solitude not because he does not like people or value companionship. He just does not need others like most people do. He has learned to give himself all the emotional and mental support and stimulation one could need. He is about quality, not quantity. He has few friends, but real ones. He understands in needing others he looses personal freedom, and therefore, conceding his power to someone else. He is not lonely but often alone. He is alone by choice. A choice that confuses others. He just prefers solitude over drama. He keeps most women at an emotional distance. He is not cold or afraid of intimacy. He just knows his value and is will not compromise it for just anyone. He is someone who reads others easily and is not easily impressed. He values his opinion over others and knows the power of this. However, this makes him difficult to love or get close to. He does not always play well with others. He can adjust to the group and “blend” in when he must. It is a necessary. When he needs to something from someone. He usually feels a sense of self betrayal afterwards. Like he whored himself out in some way. He can be extremely charming and fun. In fact, he loves having a good time. Not all introverts are fucking weirdos. He is someone you are either loving or hating. There is not much in between with him. He just doesn’t feel obligated to spend time with you unless he finds your company valuable.
The Sigma was once a Beta. Alphas tend to be people born into a dominant position. They are born with status or traits that has made success relatively easy. A Sigma is a Man with a sense of entitlement. The difference is a Sigma knows he must work independently for his desires and his desires do not need to impose on the free-will of others. A man who is constantly and honestly assessing himself. He understands who he is and what he desires. He knows what is truly valuable to him and is willing to do almost anything for it. His confidence is something he has developed over years of trial and error. Self-analysis, reflection, and learning. The Sigma is Patient and driven. Making him a force to be reckoned with. You never see it coming with a true Sigma. He does not need the approval and validation of others. Therefore, you know he is always up to something but you just don’t know what.
The Sigma is a Man who refuses to be a Beta. He refuses to fall in line. He refuses to be told what to do and how to be. He is just a sensitive, self-aware Human who got tired of people telling him what he should be feeling and how he should be thinking. This is a universal feeling, but unlike a Beta. The Sigma takes action.
Naturally, this serves him in all aspects of his life. He feels his loyalty is to himself. He will put himself first in the end. This does not make him selfish or a jerk although he may be perceived that way by others. He just knows he can’t give what he doesn’t have. He believes his happiness is as important as anyone else’s. He just doesn’t feel the need make it someone’s responsibility. He will quite his job and find a new one if his work does not align with his core values. His values will always Trump the values of the organization making it difficult for him to work or thrive in such structures. He will do the same with his woman or love interests. He is not completely uncompromising. He just knows when he is being undervalued and taken for granted. Something he has learned and is acutely aware of.
Sigma Males are often highly desired by women for these character traits. Yes, they are mysterious. Yes, they are rebels. Yes, the believe in themselves and live for their goals. Yes, they are emotionally and mentally stronger than Alphas, but that’s not the reasons.
The Sigma understands women better than the Alpha or Beta. They understand women desire the same things they do. They know the power of choice and how important that is for a woman. If an Alpha is the Man with resources and stability. The Man she wants to marry. A sigma is the man she want to fuck. The man she truly loves. The One she feels she can not tame or fully own. He is kind and values her choice. He does not seek to own or possess her. He seeks only to protect her and her interests as he does himself. An Alpha want to make her his bitch. A Beta want’s to be her bitch. A Sigma wants to make her his partner. Respecting her sovereignty and well as his own. Therefore, a Sigma would rather see her with someone else if that’s what is best for both parties. He understands the difference between love and co-dependency. He is accustomed to feeling and processing his emotions. This gives him an edge with women that the Alpha and Beta don’t have. The Alpha demands, refuses, or denies her emotions as secondary to his own. The Beta denies his emotions as secondary to hers. The Sigma does neither. The Sigma honors his feelings and hers. He understands his emotional well-being is his responsibility and hers is hers.
A woman who tolerates an emotionally negligent or verbally abusive man is a reflection of her lacking self-love and worth. Can you blame her for this? She has been told or suggested to that she is not enough her entire life. That she needs to be more than she is. This is self-evident and I don’t feel it needs arguing. Just ask any woman you know who trusts you. They all have had to deal with it at some point in their lives. We all have seen the beautiful woman whom the only one thinking she is ugly is herself.
Let’s not reinforce her distorted perception of herself. Let’s not continue allowing her to believe she is unworthy or not deserving of a loving respectful man. Let’s not lower our behavior standard to meet her. Let’s reminder her that her bar has been too low for too long. Let’s remind her that kindness is not a weakness but a strength. Let’s remind her good men still exist. Let’s not take advantage of her insecurity to mask our own. Let’s show her that quality men are not what she has grown accustom too.
If you can’t do that for her, then you have no business in her life. In fact, you are the desperate one. You are the insecure one. You are afraid she will awaken to herself and see you as you truly are. A man who can only prey on women with low self-esteem. You are afraid she will choose better for herself because you know deep down she deserves better. Because confident women don’t tolerate anything less than a “nice” guy.
Confident, empowered men do not desire disempowered women. They want a woman who is not afraid to speak her mind and stand up to him when he’s being a dick. They want to be better men in ways only she can make him better. Real men are about personal growth, and they understand nothing is a more powerful catalyst than a great woman. A woman who understands him in ways he struggles to understand himself. A woman who loves him and therefore won’t allow him to be less than she knows he is capable of being.
Woman, if you could see yourself through my eyes you would never take shit again. Not from me, not from anyone. Real men uphold the feminine. They do not degrade and disrespect her simply because they can.
The truth is, women have been subverted to serve the interests of weak men. Men who can’t handle rejection or emotional discomfort. Men who refuse to grow and rise. Collectively speaking, women hold all the power. When they raise their standards we have no choice but to improve. To follow suite. There are few things most men won’t do for their woman or women as a whole. Whether it’s fitness, money, status, or emotional healing. You really think any of us give fuck about our abs or possessions? We just learn what you like and do our best to be that. We do it all for you. So you get to decide what a quality man is. You get to choose. We should be rising to meet you. Not lowering you to meet us. Remember that the next time you screw over a “nice” guy.
That’s what masculine confidence is truly about. Not putting her on a pedestal, but stepping off yours to be closer to her. Because at the end of the day that’s all we want. To be closer to, on, and in her. To be the reason she loves and respects herself. The reason she feels safe and comfortable being her truest self. So we can love her authentically and truly. So she doesn’t have to please us to keep us, but pleases us because she loves to see us pleased.
Being nice isn’t the same as being a pushover or people pleaser. It’s about being respectful and kind regardless of her feelings towards you. Not taking shit from her is different from projecting your shit on her. Nice guys know that difference. I haven’t always been a “nice” guy. Yes, it made me desirable to some women, except one. That’s what I regret most. Not being nicer to the one I really cared for because I assumed she preferred jerks.
Many men believe being dominant is an Alpha quality. They believe forcing their will on others makes them superior. I’m not a Beta, nor am I afraid of women. I simply refuse to power over or take advantage of people just because I can. I’m a Sigma. I value my independence and choice over my ease and comfort. Therefore, I respect the independence and free-will of women over my personal ease and comfort. So when she chooses me, and she will choose me. I know she did so because she wanted to. Not because she felt pressured or didn’t feel there was a better option. Not because I had to manipulate her or deceive her. Not because I’m the most charming, best looking, most successful, or popular Dude. I will know she chose me from her heart. She chose love above all else. With me she feels powerful, loved and free. When Im loving her she feels like there is nothing she can’t do. That’s the difference. That’s what you are not giving her by being a dick. When a woman truly appreciates you. She shows you in ways that make you feel like the most important person in her world. Because for the first time in her life, you truly are. She has found the best of both. She has found her independence, and for once. She didn’t have to fight for it.