There are many misconceptions to what sexual energy is. I believe this is mainly due to the social stigma surrounding sex and masturbation. Paradoxically this is why embracing and understanding sexual energy is so important. It is often our denial and distortions of sex and desire that result in distorted pornography and potentially harmful sex and infidelity. To be clear, I am not judging porn or sex. I am offering a potential solution to improve physical energy, focus, creativity and create a more intimate, connected, sexual experience with your partner.

To understand sexual energy, I believe you must first stop having sex for a time. I wish there were an easier way. If you are in a relationship, then this is something that could be beneficial to both parties. If you are single then this somewhat easier.

When you take a break from sex then interesting things may start to happen. You will come to a couple realizations. You don’t need it and the reasons you felt you did are based on false beliefs. Speaking purely from a male perspective; there exists a belief in our culture that you need to have regular sex and or masturbate regularly. Otherwise you will implode or just go insane. This is highly distorted. Men are not simply sex crazed maniacs and it is the way we and women are portrayed in society that fuels this notion.

There is also the Ego. The masculine projection that you need to have sex with one or several women regularly to be a “Real Man”. This too is complete bullshit. I once believed this as well and sought new sexual partners continuously. I gave away my body and energy regularly. There was no connection or intimacy from my perspective. In fact the pleasure was marginal in hindsight. I was essentially hurting myself and others under a false premise that this was necessary.

Why f#*K your pain in to someone? What you may begin to realize is that the reasons you were seeking sex is deeper and more disturbing than you once thought. Sex releases feel good chemicals/ neurotransmitters. Dopamine, serotonin and in the case of love, oxytocin. The hormone, in large quantities facilitates the birthing process in women. This is why Mothers (and Fathers) are instantly in love with their newborn Child. In truly connected sexual experience this hormone plays a role in falling in love. However it is the one neurotransmitter absent in purely physical sexual experiences. Dopamine and serotonin however will make you feel good, temporarily. Once these neurotransmitter dissipate you will be looking for the next fix. The next woman or man to hook up with to mask a deeper sense of unhappiness. Like a drug addict, Chasing the Dragon.

This is the difference between making love and having sex. As you break free from the need to simply have sex to feel better, desired, sexy, attractive, etc., you will no longer desire meaningless sex. You just wont need or desire it. Therefore, the distorted types of fetishes or even sexual positions you once enjoyed will change. Your desire to watch porn or at least the type of porn you watch will drastically change. Call me old fashioned or boring but the only sex I desire now is the classic missionary or cowgirl with a partner I share true intimate connection with.


Your body is a temple. Every time you have sex with someone there is an energetic exchange. An invisible cord attachment. If you have multiple cords it simply drains your physical energy and creativity. This is why temporary abstinence is important. So you may clear those energetic attachments. It is not as easy as having a cord cutting ceremony. It takes time and masturbation or energetic clearing.

There is a period following abstinence that you will want to masturbate, frequently perhaps. This is for many a way to explore and clear those energetic attachments. Try to abstain from pornography during this time. Use your imagination. Thoughts of past lovers are common during this time. You can consciously cut those cords and release them. You may get text messages or calls from ex-lovers (they sense the lost connection). This is self-sexual healing. Interestingly, if you have discovered someone you feel a strong sexual loving connection with, your thoughts of them during masturbation will enhance your experience. The spectrum of orgasm you were once accustomed to will expand exponentially. You may sweat profusely, your knees may become weak, heat may rush up your spine, and you may experience metaphysical/ spiritual events at this time. This is a merging of your etheric bodies and sacral chakras. This is what many refer to as Kundalini energy rising.  You may also feel this other person in a sexual, energetic sense despite geographical distance.

At some point, the desire to masturbate will lessen.  You will know when it is time. The initial week or two during this time will be uncomfortable. You will feel like a teenage boy or girl again. There will be wave of intense sexual desire. If you can survive this stage and just breathe through it, it will pass. You can now start to enjoy the benefits of increased sexual energy.

Other than the increased physical energy, focus and creativity. You will notice physical changes and benefits. Men will wake up with erections daily. You will frequently and spontaneously  notice pre-ejaculate or “pre-cum”. I wont speculate to the changes for women but I hear they are similiar. You will feel stronger and more alive. Your muscle mass will increase more easily with exercise. I suspect this is a result of increased hormones such as testosterone and growth hormone.

One final, paradoxical benefit, you will be sexier. Others will naturally notice your increased sexual energy and have a stronger desire for you. The reason I consider this paradoxical is you will no longer be seeking random sex. You will become so much more selective of who you engage with sexually that you may find yourself refusing women (or men) you would have once strived to have sex with. The good news is this, it wont bother you. You will no longer settle for anything less than a true Soul connection. One you are willing to merge with physically and spiritually. This is why sexual energy is imperative in establishing lifelong, committed, intimate, trusting relationship. Marriage in the purest form of the term. A relationship where there is no desire or perceived need to seek satisfaction from self, pornography or any outside party. You simply will not look at another the same way you see her. It wont matter if her body changes, she ages or doesn’t look the same as when you first met. You just want her and no other. This is Divine Union.


Dan McGinley RN BSN

Holistic Health and Consciousness Coaching





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