The distorted masculine is not simply Men. It can and often is Men, but can and does exist in Women. In fact, it is becoming increasingly common in females as gender roles and views of equality shift. In other words, as more women believe they need to act more like men to survive in a “Man’s World”. This perception of self is not simply isolate to heterosexual couples either. Observe the majority of Gay and Lesbian couples and it becomes apparent that one partner assumes a masculine role and the other a feminine. To be clear, there is absolutely nothing wrong with either gender embodying a masculine or feminine role in relationships. The problem is the distorted perceptions will always lead to imbalance and discontent.
Often we complain or at least witness others complain about how they can’t find true love. This thinking hides in demeaning blanket statements about ourselves and the opposite sex. Statement derived from deeply held beliefs we carry. These beliefs about ourselves, our counterparts, and love itself are the blocks preventing humanity from experiencing true love.
What is true love? Our collective view of love is misguided to say the least. We have been influenced via advertising, gender roles, love songs, and Hollywood romance movies that relationships are supposed to play out in a certain way. We adopt roles we have observed in said media and therefore place expectations on ourselves and our partner. Naturally, we are pretending to be something we are not and when we fail or they fail to meet our preconceived notions of love, we end up disappointed in ourselves and our partner. Often we begin to develop a jaded and pessimistic view of relationships.
This new perception of relationships shifts our expectations from true love to superficial and materialistic criteria. We settle for partners who perceive as “safe”not who deeply love us. For ones who are universally attractive, financially sound, successful, agreeable intellectually, socially acceptable, etc. We seek partners who check all our boxes and then we expect love to flourish. In truth we do not actually love our partner but the person we expect them to be for us. As soon as they fail to meet our perception we “fall out of love”. Examples of this are when women get older or gain weight, perhaps your partner looses their high paying job or is struggling to support you in the manner you expect. Suddenly they aren’t the “same person you fell in love with”. What the distorted masculine fails to realize is they fell in love with an idea not a real person.
It is the nature of true love we fail to recognize and understand, not relationships themselves. True love is unconditional. It is rare and occurs perhaps once in a lifetime. It is undeniable when it happens. It is love that accepts the totality of who you are. Your flaws and weaknesses. It teaches you how to be a better version of yourself. Not to meet expectations of the other but because it demands you love and accept yourself as much as the other loves you. It doesn’t care if you aren’t the same person you are when it first found you.
The sad truth for the distorted masculine is this. He/ she will fail to recognize and appreciate it when it happens. Their beliefs about themselves and relationships will cause them to deny the truth of love. He/she will not value it and cherish it because they are too vested in their sense of entitlement. He/ she feels entitled to true love and their distorted beliefs about their ideal partners. The distorted masculine only give love to the feminine that meets his/ her Ego, not their heart.
Share and spread the message of Love.
Distorted Feminine coming soon!
Dan McGinley RN BSN
Holistic Health and Consciousness Coaching