Never underestimate the mind’s or rather fears ability to distort reality. Often we are so blinded to the truth of our creations. We aren’t even fully aware that we are denying aspects of ourselves until they become so undeniably obvious we simply can not deny them any longer. We all do this. It is simply part of the human condition. We are indoctrinated to feel unworthy, powerless. We are conditioned to believe that salvation exists in the external. A job, a religion, money, a relationship, etc. Hence we unconsciously seek. We attempts to control the external world and in doing so we deny ourselves. We deny the only true power we have. The power to change ourselves from the inside out. In other words, any attempt to control the external is a denial of Self. This is essentially how we have become slaves to a system and why so many of us aren’t truly happy. We have given our power and happiness to that which no has true control over our emotional state.
This sounds simple enough so why do so few of us come to this realization? The reason is simple, it hurts! Fear has one essential job. Prevent us from feeling pain. Whether it is physical pain through avoidance of danger or emotional pain. The mechanism is no different. To the mind, pain is pain. The paradox is this. We must face the emotional pain, feel it, and heal it in order to truly empower ourselves. To feel truly worthy of our dreams and believe in ourselves. We can tell ourselves all the affirmations we like but if we don’t truly feel and therefore believe we are worthy of our dreams then we simply create experiences that reflect this back to us. Until we accept it and transform it.
Be truly objective and responsible for your behaviors, thoughts and feelings. This is a practice and easier said then done. Again we are conditioned to blame everything and everyone for how we feel and how we are. This keeps us in a perpetual state of disempowerment. Sometimes we must act out certain behaviors until they become undeniable. We have no choice to accept reality. For me this happened recently. I rarely drink these days but decided to have a few, turned into several with some buddies. In an uninhibited state I sent some messages I otherwise would not. They were not mean or vindictive by any means. In fact they were truthful and loving. However, the next morning, as I was reflecting on this behavior reality punched me in the face.
I had some deeper attachments, fear and a sense of unworthiness. I had disempowered myself once more. The shame and guilt I felt was not related to the behavior itself but the realization that I was still leasing my joy to another. That I had denied my current reality. That I had given my power, my emotional well-being to another.
As I move through this Ego Death, this purging and healing. I take full responsibility for it. I created it all. I did so to teach me and empower myself. I am grateful for it, for her reflection. However I realize something clearly. I can only give what I truly have. I must love and accept myself unconditionally before I do another. I must feel worthy of myself and my dreams to attract them into my reality.
If you are willing to accept someone who denies you, ignores you, who breaks communication off despite your feelings. Someone who is not honest with you. Someone who doesn’t feel the need to apologize for their behavior, for their role in the creation. Ask yourself what is this experience teaching me. What does this say about me, not her or him. Be brutally honest with yourself. The realization for me is this. I am deserving of my love, my support, my time, my acceptance, my compassion, my devotion and my honesty. The shame I felt was not due to my actions towards her, It was the inactions towards myself.
Dan McGinley RN BSN
Holistic Health and Consciousness Coaching