My Soul is restless. I am so very tired but I can not sleep. I can not find peace. I spend my days going through the motions. I do all the things that once brought me joy. I exercise, I work, I play with my child. I try to have fun yet something feels amiss. The passion is fleeting. Even these words I write feel hollow and empty. The fiery passion that once burned inside of me is dwindling.
My mind is consumed with thoughts of her. In the physical sense I barely know her. We have exchanged such few words and yet they are enough to fill a lifetime. In all respects it is humiliating to write about. If I had any defense mechanisms left I would remain silent. I simply can not deny my heart. I am hopelessly bound to her and all I have left are my hollow words.
Despite the physical circumstances, my soul know her very well. It can’t truly be explained with words or concepts of love familiar to most in our modern society. Then again that is the collective point. People have lost faith in true love. They confuse lust for love. They confuse codependency for harmony. They prefer partners who conform to the standards of their Egos and the expectations of others over the silent screams of their hearts.
I have tried to pretend she was not that important. To deny the profound love I feel for her. To convince myself I could be truly happy without her. In the end, my heart and soul return me to this place of longing.
The realization that I need her is quite clear to me now. My soul agreed to this and it wont let me rest until it is reunited with hers. We have work to complete for the benefit of others. It is beyond my own selfish desires yet selfishly my greatest desire is her.
Can I be happy without her? Relatively speaking, yes but my true bliss resides in her arms. My home, the space my heart and soul long for is a place at her side. A few words from her lips have the power to set my soul on fire. The absence of those words cause my soul further despair. All I can do is share from my heart. Surrender to God. Cling to the Faith that nothing can separate that which is inseparable.
Come home to me my Love. Come back to your heart. Come back to love, to bliss, to joy.