There is a disparity within Humanity. An infected festering wound that thrives in the dark dampness of our fear. A specific fear that few of us care to acknowledge. It is not the fear of judgement, ridicule, criticism or rejection. These are not fears but rather the result of something more insidious. The fear of vulnerability. We have become so afraid of vulnerability that we hide our true nature. We pretend to be people we are not. We assume identities that simply aren’t us. It is only when we expose this wound to the light can it begin to heal.
Many speak of embodying the light, being love. Few speak of the polar aspects of such a practice. Two opposites can not occupy the same space at the same time. We can not be love and be fear at the same time. We can not have light without darkness. When we deny our darkness we deny our Humanity. We deny ourselves the opportunity to heal. By denying the darkness we, by default deny the light. This is the greatest denial of self we commit. The greatest act of self-mutilation one can perform.
It is not surprising why so many of us do this. We are taught that the World is cold and unforgiving. That people will judge and ostracize you for being authentic, honest and real. They are right. There are many who will. Many will distance themselves. Many will leave. They may talk about you behind your back and stop talking to you all together. Your honesty and authenticity will remind them of their own demons. The skeletons in their closets. The memory of what it means to be a real Human Being. To be vulnerable.
Learning to be vulnerable despite the consequences is the greatest catalyst to healing, to Spiritual Growth and Inner Peace I have discovered. Like all things, it starts internally. Honest introspection is the first step to any transformation. When we stop blaming others for our feeling, our pain, our behaviors, our darkness. We stop denying our Humanness. We stop pretending to be someone else. We accept it and face it. We allow it and eventually we choose to release it.
That is the easy part. The difficulty is sharing it with the World and doing so with acceptance. It is such a rare thing in our Society. It is only when someone is caught do they accept who they are. They are then forced to apologize. Again it is not surprising when faced with ridicule and shame.
The truth is we do not need to apologize to anyone but ourselves. Apologize for believing we needed to hide anything from anyone. Hide from the judgement of the hypocrisy. From the others who would condemn us for being us. For being more like they than they care to admit. For being Human. For feeling and for hurting.
I have openly shared my darkest secret publicly. My addiction. A secret I had no cause for disclosing. I had not been caught or forced to disclose this. I simply could not continue living an artificial life. A life of lies and bullshit. I had to be authentic. I had to be free despite the judgements of others.
What I discovered was most of the fear was artificial. It was mostly in my head. It was an illusion I bought into. A standard I had allowed myself to adopt. This was the greatest act of freedom I have yet to claim. I believe we may one day live in a World where people no longer need to hide from themselves. No longer need to carry shame and guilt. No longer afraid of vulnerability. If I have learned anything along my journey of life it is this. The heart loves being vulnerable, it is its source of love and power. It is the distorted mind that has convinced us otherwise.