Those of you who have been following my Blogs may recall I was intuitively guided to donate my possessions and leave my home. I have brought only the important essentials to my Parent’s home with my Son.
It has been an educational and liberating experience to say the least. I now see what truly matters and how materialism can enslave us. I reclaimed my Sovereignty from my Son’s Mother, no longer allowing a self-imposed restraint to shackle me in place or maintain a circumstance not in alignment with my highest Path.
I have mended my relationship with my Father. Being Home has brought up some deeply rooted conflicts. Boys strive to obtain their Fathers’ approval and Fathers (the Good ones anyway) feel the need to support their Sons. He wants to remedy my perceived irresponsibility and I want him to respect my Decisions despite his inability to comprehend the reasons. I can’t blame him. Six months ago I wouldn’t have understood myself. We have reached an understanding.
I have decided to stay with my Parents and part with my possession because I have sensed I would be moving. Moving somewhere very far away as in a different country. Therefore, I am making things easy by simplifying and giving my Family some time with myself and Son prior to inevitable departure.
You may recall my Kundalini symptoms I alluded to Months ago. It hasn’t resolved. The intensity and some symptoms have waxed and waned throughout the weeks but a few persist. Insomnia combined with chronic fatigue has been a daily occurrence. My energy levels are low and I haven’t exercised in Months. The Kundalini would punish my digestive tract if I ate anything not natural. I am cold often with the occasional hot flashes. These Kundalini symptoms are, in my opinion are related to the Twin Flame journey. They are different from the typical Awakening symptoms and I have come across resources to confirm this suspicion. Regardless of the cause, it is not pleasant. The routines and schedules, the repetitive behaviours that give us a sense of control in a chaotic Universe have completely fallen apart. the longer I cling to the old the worse the symptoms.
One by one it strips you to you core so you see your true self. I t exposes you completely so you may learn to accept your light and your darkness. The one I was clinging to the most was my Twin. I didn’t know how to walk away. I knew I had to and we had agreed to allow God, the Universe to bring us together as, if we are meant to. Easier said than done.
Sometimes God places us in Limbo so we can look at where we are going. When we slow down and reflect we can discover what we truly want and where we need to go. It can be an uncomfortable time but necessary. God does not deliver quick fixes and instant gratification. The events of the last several Months have changed me on many levels. I can say honestly that I am a new Man. It is with this new confidence and strength that I have learned the meaning of Trust and of Faith. The illusion of Control and the freedom of surrender. I had simply given up fighting. I grew weary of holding on. I was sick and tired of being that guy. The insecure one who needed validation from Her. Needed someone to make me feel better about my emotional clearing and pain. She never gave in. She supported me but never pacified me. She instructed me but never assumed responsibility for me. She inspired me to change, to grow, to Love without condition. She is my muse and my teacher. I will be forever grateful to her. she is the type of Woman you should never let go of, unless you must.
Following this decision to let her go, truly this time, I felt a positive shift inside of me. I felt the energetic connection with lighten. My energy and mood had improved. My body, despite not exercising in months felt strong and light. I felt peaceful and optimistic about my Path and future. I was given guidance to my next move and this was confirmed with multiple synchronisities and Angel numbers. More importantly, I feel joy and excitement when I consider this new option/ opportunity. I am carefully considering it. Ironically, this job offer is overseas and would bring me much closer to Her. I am careful to ensure this is not simply my subconscious desires influencing my decisions. However, as I write this now I know in my heart it is my Spirit guiding me.
This may sound like a sad, difficult process. However it is the opposite. This does not mean I love her less or have lost interest. The bond I feel for her can never be broken and despite what happens I can never stop loving her. This is the essence of Spiritual love. I am not giving up or resisting. I am truly allowing God to guide me along my Path and holding faith that my instincts, inner knowing and Divine guidance will not lead me astray. They have yet to fail me and I am optimistic. I am not blocking her or attempting to remove her from my life. I am simply not going to seek, to message, to attempt to force anything. I am holding space and leaving the door open. As she has always and continues to do for me. I am not doing this because I believe it will result in her running to me, missing me or anything of the sort. I am trusting in God, without question, without expectation. I am becoming who God intended me to be, with or without her.
When we give our love and thoughts to others. People, convictions and even ideologies. It drains us of our Vitality. Give yourself your love and dedicate your thought to yourself and others will do the same.
Love and Empathy