I had faced my fear and followed my Intuition. I had no idea what would happen next. It is as if God, the Universe said “Welcome aboard! You start immediately.” Before I dive into the details of my reality dissolving away rapidly, I feel it is important to discuss a few concepts I discovered along my Journey. I would like to mention that others share the same or similar experiences at one point or another during their Spiritual Awakening. The “symptoms” or commonly shared perceptual, physical and emotional changes that occur with Spiritual Awakening are in fact very similar. It is their onset, intensity and duration that vary greatly. I believe they are best described as a complete Kundalini Awakening. Meaning the symptoms all correlate to a complete Kundalini experience. Not everyone calls it Kundalini and sometimes they simply just attribute individual symptoms to a particular stage, healing process or transition. Many others simply have yet to experience all of the kundalini symptoms yet or have heard Kundalini occurs in apticular manner and hence feel they must have not had one as their experience is different. It really doesn’t matter, however I felt compelled to clarify as it confused the shit out of me at the time. If you are new to the experience and your experience is not the standard kundalini or you are just rying to figure out what the hell is happening to you, then this should help. The problem is that Kundalini rarely occurs in the way it is supposed to. At least this was my experience and observation of others. Traditionally, most will tell you it always starts in the root chakra or base of the spine and works its way up, clearing the other chakras gradually. It can occur in the crown or Ajna (third eye) and work its way to the root chakra as it seems to have done with me. It can also occur in cycles, following emotional waves and physical healing as well as changes in behaviors, relationships, Twin Flame dynamics and so forth. It can lasts days, months and for some years. It can come and go in cycles and for me anyway, the snake never seems to return to slumber. Just calms down until I need it its power or if it needs to kick my ass into or out of something not in alignment. I refer to these cycles as Kundalini exacerbations. The following story is how my Kundalini Awakening started, in my head, what I discovered later is sometimes referred to as Kundalini Psychosis
Have you ever wondered why every Bible story in which a Human is visited by an Angel, the first words out of the Angel’s mouth is “Be not afraid!”. Because it is scary as fuck when it first happens. My experience didn’t go down quite like that. It all started with a Dream. The night following my intuitive decision, I had a lucid symbolic dream. The term lucid is a misleading in my opinion. Many of us have had lucid dreams in the past. These are different. They feel so real that the only way to differentiate them from reality is to realize the impossibility for them to occur in the real world. I was dreaming of a white bear. The bear was calm and in a white void. I was there in physical form, I had manifested a sword and attacked the bear with intention to kill it, for some reason, likely fear I felt the need to kill the Bear. The Bear was non-threatening until I attacked it with the intent of piercing his heart and severing his head. The bear growled and stood on his high legs. I felt a gentle yet firm push on my right shoulder. Suddenly I was standing at the foot of my bed watching myself sleep while remaining simultaneously in my dream (this is a common type of dream/ astral projection). I kept fighting the bear and felt another push on my left arm. I sensed the hands were trying to guide or dissuade me in someway and can recall clearly thinking “what are you trying to tell me?”. Then a hand held my left forearm and attempted to pull me aside. It was not aggressive, but it was firm and not letting go. I can only describe it as a parent holding a child’s arm to prevent them from running into the street. Hold your left forearm with your right hand. Now imagine that feeling on your forearm, only you can’t see the hand holding it and you are as alert and lucid as you are now. I was terrified! I tried to escape it and it did not let go. I woke myself in a panic. I prayed and asked God to allow me to sleep undisturbed. My request was honored. I did not experience any other lucid dreams or at least not as intense until I was ready again, months later.
The following days were met with auditory and visual “hallucinations”, I use this term reluctantly and would define it as a perception most people cannot share. The connotation that it did not really occur or exist is simply the difference in one’s ability to perceive the Spiritual realm. Needless to say, my opinion on mental illness, specifically psychoses have changed drastically. Hence the term Kundalini Psychosis. These perceptual changes were initially accompanied with feelings of fear and dread for obvious reason. These feelings were extremely labile and included intense sadness. When I say labile I mean one minute you are restless, very edgy and the next you are in tears for no obvious reason. I understand now that this was the expansion of my Empathic abilities. I discuss Empaths and Emotional Processing in later chapters. The point is you are an emotional wreck. If you woke up one day and the veil between “reality” and the spiritual realm has drastically thinned, you may question your sanity too. I thought that my apartment may be haunted or perhaps I did one too many drugs in my past and now I was schizophrenic. My Mind raced to solve the crises. I knew I couldn’t just go see a Doctor, call a Priest or my Parents. The reason I knew this was not the solution was because I knew on deeper level that I was not crazy. The difference was my ability to discern. A schizophrenic can not discern their hallucination and subsequent delusion from reality. They believe, at least initially that others can perceive it too and will understand. I knew this was not the case for me. Furthermore, I knew it was of a Spiritual, loving and patient nature. Despite the fear and my initial worry. I never got the impression that these entities were attempting to harm or control me in anyway. They were very respectful to the process, yet they needed me to understand that this was in fact a process and there was no turning back.
The Universe or God provides the answers in phenomenal ways. In the Spiritual or Metaphysical community we call them Synchronicity.
“You can’t connect the dots looking forward you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something: your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well-worn path.” Steve Jobs.
The concept of synchronicity was first described by psychologist Carl Jung in the 1920s as “meaningful Coincidences”. They appear to be coincidence by an objective observer but to the recipient, they are messages or instructions. It’s a matter of the observer’s emotion. To others it appears to be random coincidence. The observer feels and knows it to be much more and it is meant for them. I will discuss my experiences, insights and physiological theories into synchronicities in later chapters. In the interest of cohesiveness, I will limit this section to a few key ones. I experience synchronicities daily now and there are simply too many and many I have yet to fully understand to mention them all. Furthermore, as Steve Jobs puts it is difficult to link all of them to an accurate timeline as the numbers or events were often not documented or understood at the time. I believe synchronicities are messages, guidance, resources, support and help from the Divine. They come in many forms such as people, events, movies/ TV, dreams, and numbers, repeating or not. Numerology and Mathematics is believed by many to be the language of the Universe and Divine. The meaning is debated and documented through multiple platforms and is nothing new. Pythagoras, Newton, Einstein and many other pioneers/ innovators recognized this. In fact all natural occurring events can be represented Mathematically. For example, all growth in Nature is represented mathematically via the Fibonacci Sequence. It all starts at 0 or the God number. The Alpha and Omega. Action is the only requirement for Growth and this is represented by the number one. Then growth occurs exponentially, what most of us call momentum. Number 1, the individual. Two, the pair, collabortion, partnership. Three, a party, group, the trinity, balance, harmony. So on and on the numbers expand into infinite creation.
The repeating numbers that the Awakened or Awakening see have many multiple meanings interpreted by the beholder in way or another. Emphasize urgency, intensity, forewarning or specific meaning to the beholder. Because our brains naturally recognize patterns they are often messages to pay attention to your thoughts, feeling, situation, etc. Once recognized and or followed, your connection and communication with the Divine Strengthens. Then they can be any set of numbers. One can easily over think and over-analyze looking for these numbers and their meaning, believe me. That’s not the point. Allow the numbers to come to you and discern the important ones based on your inner voice or intuition, the circumstances or thoughts when noticing them. It is like seeing a phone number while driving by and only noticing 333 and then noticing the time or the middle numbers in your odometer immediately after and it is 333. You feel it when it happens. This could also be being woken/ waking up at certain times throughout the night repetitively. I would once awaken between 2-5am, look at the clock at 333, 355, 444, 455, 522, 533, 633 etc. I explain the theories and insights I have acquired for their interpretations in later chapters.
Going with the Flow. Once I decided to follow my dream, I was confused and anxious. I kept noticing numbers and experiencing paranormal events at night. The sense of being surrounded or an entity being near. Lights flickering and electronics malfunctioning. Over the course of a couple weeks a cell phone, Ipad, laptop and four lightbulbs died. Real convenient when attempting to build an online business. Weird things would just happen. I would hear a loud bang and recognized it as my dryer door being slammed shut. I would walk over to investigate and of course no one else is around. I would obviously feel uneasy and when I returned to my kitchen it would happen again. I felt a strong urge to get out of my home or outside. Just escape whatever the Fuck was happening. I went to lunch near my home and met a gentleman who engaged me in conversation. We were discussing health and nutrition. I was afraid to discuss my experiences and yet he somehow brought up the topic of Spiritual Awakening and Synchronicity. Seemingly out of the blue. He told me about a Scientist who studies such events. I believe this was a way of God saying “Be calm child, this is a real thing that others have gone through it too. Don’t worry, you are not alone and you are not losing your marbles”.
The following day I needed some calmness and recalled how acupuncture had the ability to calm my mind. I was able to get an acupuncture treatment that spot as they had a cancellation. Prior to the treatment my Acupuncturist felt compelled to do some energy work with me. I had no idea she did this as it hadn’t come up in previous treatments. I honestly did not really know what energy work was at the time. She placed her hand over my chest and began to cry. She told me I had a lot of energy stagnated here and sensed a loss or grief. I asked her if it could be a loss of expectation? She told me she got chills when I asked that question. I now realize this was the loss of a part of my old self, beliefs systems, activities I was clinging too out of fear and my need to control. The very things I was clinging too were preventing me from walking my highest path. My Soul Mission. What she referred to as living my Tao/ Dao, living in line with nature, Going with the flow of Chi/ Prana/ life force energy. She was also the one who told me I had the ability to shut off the perception dreams if I was not ready. During the treatment I could visually see light and colors flowing throughout the room. The needle in my forehead, third eye and top of my head, crown was warm and pressurized. Following my treatment, I discovered a magazine titled Natural Awakenings in the waiting room, normally it would be way too New Age for me but considering recent events, I grabbed it. I discovered an advertisement, a local woman who was also a Registered Nurse by trade and is now a Health and Spiritual Coach. She helped me interpret my dream. The White Bear representing my Soul, the light within. My Ego self was intent on killing it and the hands/ the Divine (Angels or Higher Self) was attempting to guide me away from this. The Bear is a possible spirit animal as well. I would get consistent messages via angel numbers/ repeating numbers or come across articles and videos with a repeating theme. Don’t fight the Bear. Release your fears to your Angels. Look at your emotions and dreams with curiosity and intrigue not judgement. GO WITH THE FLOW. I was working on my site one day feeling anxious and my five-year old approached me hugged and kissed me and said “Daddy I love you. Go with the flow”. He has never used this phrase, go with the flow before or since. Days later I opened a fortune cookie and it read. Your life is changing. Go with the flow. A You-tube video that played on automatic talking about martial arts and going with the flow or being in a state of chi flow. A separate video specified about how the Flow is not about conformity and doing what others are but following your own path. Later I was reading an article about how a woman who sprained her ankle by stepping off a path to allow a runner to go by. The theme being stay in your lane and do not compromise your Truths for anyone. You see the message here. As I surrendered to the process and followed the guidance, inner and outer, my Symptoms improved drastically. I began meditating more frequently and increasing my duration naturally. My meditative practices evolved intuitively began adding chakras, visualizing chi flow between them and contracting associated muscles on exhalation. I did not research these expanded practices not was I taught them by another. I later discovered there are entire system of meditation out there similar to mine. I developed an affinity for nature and regularly retreated to the forest and water. I took many Baths with Epsom salt. I lit candles all day long. I needed to opened windows despite the weather. I rearrange my home and bought plants to facilitate the flow of prana or chi, the practice of feng shui. These were mostly natural inclinations or inner intuitive actions occasionally reinforced by synchronicity. I would later discover that these are common and often essential grounding techniques among Empaths or those sensitive to Energies.
I developed new curiosities for topics I formerly disregarded as superstition or myth. Topics Astrology, Numerology, Mysticism, Metaphysics, Theology and Quantum Physics. I was becoming Dr. Strange. The correlation to Astrological events is quite astounding. Ever new moon, eclipse or any movement of the cosmos effects my Spiritual growth, physical body and emotional state. I will correlate these event to the best of my ability throughout this book. Consider that every Religion, especially Christianity has its origins in the Sun and Stars. In fact the Story of Jesus being born from a Virgin (Virgo constellation), and followed by three kings (stars) and is the Son of God (Sun rising among the horizon amidst this star that appears to come out of Virgo) is story repeated in many civilization time and time again. This occurs on the Winter Solstice, December 25th for the same reason it has for thousand years. There are dozens of Jesus type figures who share this exact same premise. To name a few Horus of Egypt, Dionysus of Greece and Mithra of Persia. There many more and they all predate Jesus. It may sound like I am Christian bashing and attempting to invalidate Christianity. The opposite is true. I am attempting to explain that Religion is a guideline, not an absolute. That we all have our origins in the Cosmos are one part of the greater whole. All religions are interpretations of the greater God or Universe that no one can claim as absolute Truth. There are multiple Paths to God but none escape the power and influence of the Cosmos. I elaborate on this principle in the final chapter of this text.
I kept noticing certain animals and insects or images of animals such as prey-mantis, wolves, grasshoppers, Cardinals (red robins), hummingbirds, owls, and crows. Each animal has its own totem or Spiritual significance. There are many references on Animals and their Spiritual meaning. All Tribal People placed great significance on the Natural World’s relationship to Spirituality. I know now when I see a grass hopper it means keep going forward, as if there is much choice and an Owl means to look closely at yourself, circumstance or situation and do so with wisdom. The Crow tells me an Ego Death followed by a subsequent rebirth is happening or will happen very soon.
Perceptual visual changes, I would see flashes of light from my peripheral vision mainly a night. I was walking down my hall when a shadow flashed past by my peripheral yet was behind me. I stopped, turned and walked towards the area it had occurred. Trying to figure out what had happened it occurred again from the opposite direction behind me. I turned and walked in that direction of the hallway. I stood there for a couple of seconds. Suddenly I felt an intense chill run down my spine. It scared the living shit out of me! I cringed and high tailed it into my room and shut the door as if it mattered. My son was lying in my bed and noticing his concern I played it off to the best of my ability. The flashes of light eventually evolved. There were many occasions I would be lying in bed and the lighter regions would dance with the shadows. The light was dynamic and moving throughout my room. This was not a frightening experience and if you have ever taken psychedelic drugs you can relate. For the record I was sober. The lights eventually became more shapely and took on form. The once supersonic flashes of light slowed down to the point where I could determine shapes. A white light diamond with circular transparent shape would appear on occasion. Often orbs of light would float across the room. The peripheral flashes were now bodies of light and I could make them out a little more clearly. Then of course there were the Shadows. On a few occasions I would notice shows move. I would only notice after they would move. They rarely had a silhouette. For example, one night I was walking down my hallway. As I approached a perpendicular hallway, a shadow that was casted, moved away prior to me reaching the hall. There was no one there. It was as if someone was standing there and disappeared as I approached them. Sound creepy but at that point I was no longer fearful.
Many people hear the term Shadow and they naturally assume something Evil or Dark. I am not debating that this may very well be the experience of some and it seems very plausible to me that it loving beings of light exists then a polar opposite being of darkness and hate could as well. However, by the time I began seeing shadows, I was no longer fearful. Take the number 666 for example. Many attribute this number to be the “Mark of The Beast” based on biblical verse from the book of revelations. Therefore, they associate it with Satan, Demons on all things Evil. In Numerology it is auspicious sign relating to what we collectively refer to as feminine characteristics such as the Home, Family and nurturing qualities. Perhaps, the Church with it’s long History of demonizing the Feminine is responsible for this misinterpretation. That’s a topic for another book. The point is this. It is a matter of perception and at that time, there was no fear present when seeing these Shadows. I perceived them as friendly or at least non-threatening. If it was a Demon, it was failing miserably at inciting my fear. Bright lights cast deep shadows.
Auditory and Olfactory changes. Myself and others who have undergone a Spiritual and or Kundalini Awakening report certain symptoms such as ringing in the ears and possibly strange smells. The ringing in the ears is common and resemble tinnitus by all standard definition. It is sometimes obvious and other times subtle. I recall, lying in the bath one evening and thinking to myself the ringing had resolved. When I submerged, I realized it hadn’t as water amplifies the sound waves/ vibrations. Eventually the ringing resolves and some report hearing faint voices or supernatural sounds. This is known as clairaudience and I elaborate on this phenomenon in later chapters. Smelling strange things appears to be less common or at least less reported. There have only been a couple of occasions where I noticed this. One evening, during the early days of my awakening, I had walked into my bedroom and was greeted with a strong floral scent. It was as if I had just entered a florist shop. There was no physical explanation. The scent of fresh flowers was accompanied by a sense of peace and calm. This is a classic sign of Angelic Presence. Contrarily, the smell of rotting flesh has been associated with Demonic presences. I have smelt this too. My five-year-old Son could smell it as well. I felt a sense of discomfort and prayed to God, asked Archangel Michael to protect us clear my home of any Demonic, lower vibrational entity that meant us harm. Never had a problem since. Perhaps my Cat was just gassy?
Physical perceptual changes. The Awakening process causes many noticeable changes to the physical body. Changes in sleep, energy, appetite and so forth. I have dedicated an entire chapter to these changes and the theories as to their occurrences. I would like to focus on the changes to the sensory aspect of the Central Nervous System. If you have ever heard a good ghost story then you are aware of people experiencing the chills, sensations shooting down the Spine and just feeling like someone or something is standing behind you. It is exactly like that and more. I still feel chills and my hair stands up at random time, usually at night and I now have no doubt that I am in presence of a Spirit. Your body just sense these things even when your other senses do not. I personally believe the physical sensations are the most sensitive when it comes to Spiritual interactions or at teat the most potent. The feeling you get when being touched by Spirit is something you never forget. Furthermore, you become more sensitive to you own energy and that of others, animals and even places. You may feel muscle spasms, warmth, pressure or sensations certain areas associated with chakras, specifically the brown/ forehead (third eye) or top of the head (crown). Again, I elaborate in later more pertinent chapters.
The reasons for these changes in your perception vary. Your DNA is changing and your expressing once dormant genes. Genes that are altering your cellular structure that is enhancing your senses. This is how we begin to develop and enhance our psychic abilities. Regardless of whether Awakened individuals explore or develop these abilities, one universal quality persists. Our senses are heightened. I can smell and taste things I was once never capable of. Many noises that used to not bother me make me cringe. I generally prefer the quiet, lower volumes and natural sounds. I can see colors more vividly and sometimes auras or energy fields. You can feel the energy or emotions lingering in room if something traumatic or an argument has taken place recently. I personally believe this happen to give us the ability to protect ourselves. You notice how animal start acting funny prior to a Natural disaster. They naturally flee an area prior to a hurricane, those who can anyway. They sense what is coming through there enhanced senses and natural empathic / psychic faculties.
We can experience these enhanced senses and we all have a degree of psychic ability tat can be learnt and developed. Meaning all people who seek expanded Consciousness, Enlightenment or Spiritual Awakening. It is easier than the Media has lead us to believe. If an average Dude, struggling to raise his Kid, pay his Bills, find happiness, overcome his depression and addiction can accidently stumble upon it then so can you. First, you must believe it is possible. Second, you must believe you are capable. Third, you must do the work required.
Love and Empathy,
I am Dan McGinley