Like many of us are presently undergoing a Kundalini awakening/ Spiritual Awakening we tend to minimize, anticipate and try to control the situation. Our minds have been at this our entire lives and does not like surprises. We research and try things that have worked for others and think our experience will be similar to theirs. Yes, there are common physical, psychological and even paranormal experiences most of us have. There are many videos and articles on physical symptoms. They are nothing compared to the Emotional Healing and Truths it forces upon us. Here are mine and the insights I am intuitively and externally gaining.
As I mentioned in previous Blogs, I have undergone kundalini waves intermittently throughout my Awakening. I am noticing a correlation with every shift or expansion I undergo. When I quite using Drugs for example it was followed by an intense Kundalini cycle. Presently, I feel it is related to or exacerbated by a shift/ Twin Flame Dynamic. The cause is not as important as the process.
As of yesterday’s update I had decided to internalize the energy and surrender to the process. In other words allow Kundalini to do her thing with as little resistance as I could muster. I had the typical insomnia last night followed by extreme sleepiness around 4am. Resulting in my inability to get out of bed and my kid to school again. Third time this week. This may sound ridiculous to many of you, as a matter of laziness or lack of will. I discovered this morning it is much more. His school is literally ten minutes away and even in the most sleep deprived state anyone can manage this. I just could not bring myself to do it. I realized something profound. Kundalini is breaking down everything in my life. All those Deep Ego Archetypes and attachments I still cling to. Including being a Father. We all hear about and or experience relationship strains and endings during Spiritual Awakening. However, how does one let go of their child. Their responsibility to them anyways. I have no idea how to deal with this and my heart is broken again. The eerie thing is this. I had a premonition or knowing this was coming. I had to force his presence in my future visions. Our energies have been repelling each other for sometime and despite my best efforts to mend the relationship we continue to trigger each other. I am being forced to accept the possibility of separation, permanent or temporary. Frankly I would rather see this World Burn then let him go and yet I have no control over it. Perhaps it simply a reminder to be grateful and appreciative. Perhaps it is forcing me to continue to deal with the underlying issue causing the triggering. Furthermore, I am now understanding/ feeling that there is more to come. I feel like I will possibly be lead to experience homelessness for a time. With my credentials I could obtain a well paying job in about 5 minutes. However, I would oddly choose to be Homeless if this is God’s Plan for me. I am no longer trying to explain or rationalize as there is none. The only solace is the knowledge that wherever I am lead. Whatever happens to me. I have no doubt it is for the greater good and necessary for my growth. It brings me closer to my Soul Mission, My Beloved, My Ideal Life, God and Humanity. All I have left is Faith, Trust and Love. Which is all any of us need. Whether or not either possibilities become realities does not matter. The Kundalini is showing me my deepest fears quite literally so they may be dealt with and not buried. This is her primary function. So you may be completely unobstructed in pursuit of your Soul Mission.
This is a big phase for me in the proverbial Dark Night of the Soul. The only Solace I can offer others in this most difficult of times is this. You will emerge stronger. Like the Phoenix you will be something new, powerful and unstoppable. Reminds me of a quote from Ethan Thomas that I will paraphrase; The only way to forge a diamond is through intense heat and pressure. When the process is complete, they are unbreakable. There are plenty of CZ’s in this world posing as Diamonds. The only way to know the difference is to test them. This is your test. A test of Faith.
Love and Empathy,