Many in our world question why we are allowed to suffer? Where is God in that Misery? Why would He/ She allow this to happen? Here is what I have learned.
I will not share the details but I was being guided/ following my heart and as of lastnight I realized that this particular situation may not be as I had allowed my self to believe. In other words I lost an expectation, a belief and possible future potentially. True it may not compare to loosing a loved one but nonetheless my heart was broken. As Human Beings we like to qualify our loss and that of others. Loss is subjective and to the one experiencing grief, it matters. A child who looses a favorite toy seems like no big deal but to them it is the end of the world. So we need to respect each others grief and not deny them it. More importantly not deny ourselves the Process.
Greif is the result of all or any loss. If you are on the Spiritual Path and have undergone an Awakening then you realize or are beginning to that your emotions are increasingly potent. Some describe it as being Empathic. I am no different. Our emotions can get real intense real fast and switch on a dime and that ok. I was in denial, then balling, which quickly turned to Rage. During this “anger” stage I put my fist completely through my closet door and cursed God. Shortly after I had calmed I noticed the old unhealthy coping mechanism wanting to be indulged. I wanted to end the pain and thought “I wish I had some Drugs or maybe I will get hammered and go to a Strip Club”. Anything to numb it. Instead I went to bed. I awoke this morning and meditated. It was during this time I was able to be objective and gained clarity/ perspective.
I underwent the 5 stages of grief within less than 24 hours and here is why I believe the process and insights were so expedient. Many of us can spend months or years in a state of Greif. This occurs because we either can not let go or we keep running from it. I could have hardened my heart and returned to my old ways. If I had done that then the pain would have been waiting for me when I awoke. Confounded with the guilt and shame of whatever coping behavior I used to numb it.
So why was I lead down this Path? I needed it. I needed to stop trying to control and manipulate the outcome and others. My heart needed to break so it can be healed and molded into something more beautiful. So I can share this with you.
Throughout my Awakening and initiating it were the numbers 137 or 713 and 37. All night I kept waking up and noticing 37 (337,436,537, etc). One of the Angel Number interpretations of 37 is Sometime things must fall apart before they can be put together as a better new.
Love and Empathy
Dan McGinley RN BSN