I was listening to some old hip hop from my High School years recently (Eminem, Superman) and although I rarely care about the lyrics (the emotion that music provides is what matters to me), I couldn’t  help but notice the highly derogatory lyrics regarding Women and how as a adolescent Male I was influenced by said messages. As I examined this more closely I discovered that the subjugation and denial of Women is actually a double edged sword. It hurts Men as well.

To be perfectly clear I am not excusing or defending sexual assault, rape or any abusive behavior whatsoever. In truth, I am encouraging both sexes to forgive, heal and love each other. So how exactly does certain/ most media and the portrayal of women as Bitches, Hoes and Sluts hurt men? It distorts the general perception of the Feminine. It creates  or promotes distrust and insecurity. It teaches our boys that you they should only love a woman who meets a certain, an unrealistic standard and image. That if she is less than the pious virgin (how many of them do you know?) she is unworthy of your love much less respect. However coitus remains an option. Just be sure you disregard her afterwards. Despite what the media/ science has lead us to believe, Men are not the Sex crazed animals we are portrayed as. At least we do not have to be. We must abandon this false belief. Men desire love and monogamy too. It does not presently appear this way as many Men are still engaging in those conditioned sexual expressive patterns. When we overcome this we are capable of abstinence, monogamy and focused committed love to our feminine counterpart.

I speak from experience and my word is my Bond. I have been abstinent for over six months (maybe longer, cant remember) and there is only one woman I want. There is nothing about her past sexual history or experience that would make me feel insecure, uncomfortable or cause me to deny her my love. I am not “Ugly” or without the capacity to have sex. The old me was much different as I sought and obtained casual sex regularly. I only mention this to provide an example. It is not my ego or pride. I prefer my present state and despite the lie you were told that your masculine identity and value depends on your ability have lots of sex (for some through any means necessary) it does not.

To put it simply, the same media conditioning Men to devalue Women to the point that they can justify such a hennas act as Rape or Sexual Assault is also denying men the ability/ opportunity to love. To see Women as they deserve to be seen. It was only when I began to see myself in my authentic form did I begin to see the same in others. It was only when I began to love myself did I start loving others. It is only when I began to accept myself that I learned to accept others. Their light and their Darkness. Brothers and Sisters, let us not focus on blaming each other and on our differences. Let us Love each other once more. like our Grandparents did. In a time where women were respected and not seen as Hoes and Men were respected and not seen as violent perverts.


Love and Empathy


Dan McGinley

One thought on “#metoo; the Denial of Love in Men and Women

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